News! Listen up, Goblinites!

1 07 2009

Hey all, GG here.

I haven’t done any posts this week, Why, you ask?

A few reasons. My girlfriend is sick and needed to move to a new apartment, busy there. Also, I need a job, so busy there, too.

Lastly…

We’re moving to a new site.

Yup, you read correctly. (I hope.)

So, regular posts will resume next Monday with Movie Monday on the new site.

So, I look forward to seeing you guys and the brand new and improved Glitchy Goblin website at glitchygoblin.com.

Click here to navigate to the new (and soon to be improved) Glitchy Goblin.

Until Monday, Goblinites. -GG





Glitch of the Week: Crazy Taxi

29 06 2009

Trying this out, making my postes short and sweet, for easier reading.

That being said, let’s jump right in, shall we?

This week’s game: Crazy Taxi.

Two maps, three partial songs, four characters, and more fun than Kingdom Hearts entire game series put together.

Two maps, three partial songs, four characters, and more fun than Kingdom Hearts' entire game series put together.

Crazy Taxi is a simple game: you drive a cab, you pick people up, you drive real fast to their destination, you get paid. Repeat process.

That being said, one place you can drop people off is KFC, and it was here that my favorite Crazy Taxi Glitch occured.

I was pedaling (using the bike) up to KFC’s front door, sliding into a devilishly stylish stop, slamming the side of my vehicle into the pole in order to make an instantanious stop.

Didn’t work that way.

Instead, I bounced off, hit it again, bounced off, hit again, repeat process, rising into the air for thirty seconds until finally, angry, my customer leapt out into the air, cursed, checked his watch, and walked away.

Looked like this, but on a KFC sign. Thanks, shadowmoses45.

A tiny bit of mild swearing in that video, if you’re worried about that.

Until next week, I’ll go ahead and pick a car and driver… GUS. C’mon, let’s have some fun! -GG





Midweek Mashup: Champion of the Week!

28 06 2009

I really hate problems like apartments. Keeps me from posting like I want. Glitch of the Week comes late Sunday, guys.

Well, the votes were few, but still, I will post the results with pride.

Along the market-filled streets of Gl’Chi Gobla, the Prince wandered through the booths, taking in the sites and sounds of the town he would have otherwise ran screaming through, left with no time for frivolity. Thanks to the rivers, the Dahaka was kept at bay.

It was very… peaceful. A peace that had been too long in its arrival.

A peace that had made the Prince slack in his wariness, missing the white-robed figure following him from building to building, perched on the ledges like a hawk whenever the Prince he followed stopped to browse merchandise.

The Prince stopped, smiling seductively to a pretty young fruit vendor, asking her idly about the price of her pomegranites, having been told once by a princess how much women loved them.

Altair edged out onto a wooden perch and checked his hidden blade. It slid in its mechanism as if it was brand new and had never seen blood.

He lept.

In a sudden crash, Altair pinned the Prince to the ground, inserting the hidden blade into the Prince’s heart like a knife in warm bread. It was over.

It was then that the sand flowed from his dagger, pulling Altair back into the air. The Prince felt the air flow back into him, then out again, watched his conversation undo itself.

This time, he simply walked past the booth and smiled at the girl, taking note of the assassin above as he pretended to wink at the girl playfully.

However, Altair was quick to notice that his mark’s mood had changed, and decided to back off, concealing himself in the crowd below. Sure enough, soon it was the Prince who was looking for his tail and Altair who had his eyes on his target again.

Altair slipped through the crowd, closing in on the man.

The Prince headed for an edge of the town, figuring that if he was by the water’s edge, the assassin would have less space to hide from him.

He was wrong.

The Prince heard a scream and turned around, seeing a dead body on the ground. He looked to the rooftops, and then suddenly, he felt a hand on his back, the sharp pains of a blade entering his back.

Cursing under his breath, the Prince let the sands dull his pain, pulling Altair away. Now he saw him, hiding in the crowd. He wouldn’t let him escape this time. He would have to play it cool and retaliate, his sands not being able to go back far enough to undo the other man’s death.

The woman screamed again. For a second time, the Prince turned to see the body, but the second he felt the assassin grown near, he grabbed his hand and flung him over the railing and into the river.

For a frozen second, Altair inhaled sharply, taken aback as he realized he was heading for the river… heading for the end of his life. However, if he was to die… he would claim his mark as well.

So, less still less than a foot from the Prince, Altair drew a throwing knife and let fly, hitting the Prince right between the eyes.

The Prince was sweating now. He knew he would soon run out of sand, and that no matter how he threw the assassin, the throwing blade would still end his life.

For the third time, the sands removed a blade from the Prince, pulling Altair back into the Prince’s hand, back into Altair’s striking position. The Prince knew he would have to be fast.

Altair had him. He knew the Prince would look to the screaming crowd, these nobles always did stupid things. He moved in, preparing his hidden blade, keeping it hidden from the crowd, closing in on the Prince.

It was here that the Prince finished his time reversing, suddenly whipping around, drawing his blades and slashing at the assassin. Damage woud have ravaged his body, but the Animus machine forgave Desmond’s error, simply lowering his synchronization. Both Desmond and his ancestor were shocked at the Prince’s speed.

Altair drew his parrying blade, and the crowd fled from their duel, watching as the swords flashed and clanged, the two men locked in spark-inducing combat, their faces strained with effort.

The Prince saw as Altair left an opening, trying to defend himself. He drew his blade back, prepared to rid himself of this assassin by exploiting this weakness.

It was just as Altair had wanted him to do, exploiting the weakness Altair and Desmond had let the Prince see. In a flash, Altair parried the strike and dove in, slashing the Prince open in one swift moment.

The Prince was furious, watching as Altair withrew his attack, watching his stomach sew itself back together, and saw the opening, again, but this time, held back, turning and fleeing the assault.

The Prince knew that a throwing blade was coming. Altair hadn’t used it on him in the current ‘now,’ his previous use having been undone, so he knew the assassin would rely on it now, thinking it still an ace in the hole. Altair did indeed sling his arm, letting fly with a blade, and watched in amazement as the Prince slide to the right, the blade instead sticking in a wooden booth frame.

Altair was not done. Neither was Desmond. Neither was the Prince, relying on the last of his sand to get him away from this nightmarish attacker. Altair pursued, not letting the Prince slip into the crowd, as he so desired. Up onto the booths Altair flew, then to a perch, and then, the rooftops. He spotted the Prince with his Eagle Vision and let fly with another throwing blade.

The Prince hadn’t expected an attack from above, not so soon. He used the last of his sand, pulling the blade from his brain, retracing his steps to a weapon’s booth.

Now, as Altair let fly, he saw a glint of metal as the Prince had grabbed up a falchion and hurled it in Altair’s direction, knocking the blade to the ground and seriously wounding Altair. Desmond watched at the screen turned white and red, loosing focus more and more, and fought to maintain this crucial state.

The Prince kept running, looking for his pursuer again on the rooftops, expecting him to be flustered. He so expected this, in fact, that he didn’t notice as Altair lept from the nearby hay bale, drawing his longsword. The Prince watched, gasping in horror, as the hooded, hawk-like figure drove the blade through him.

The Dagger of Time dropped from the Prince’s hands. The hawk closed his talons around his prey, and as people screamed, he fled to the rooftops and in minutes… he was gone.

Pictured: One HUEG picture. Open it full size if you dont believe me.

Pictured: One HUEG picture. Open it full size if you don't believe me.

Congratulations to Altair: Champion of the Week!

Got a great fight you’d like to suggest? I NEED SOME. Send your fights to me, I’ll give you the credit!!! -GG





Thur- I mean Saturday Top 5: Current Cartoons That Rip Off FAR Better Cartoons

27 06 2009

I know it’s more than late. Rough week. It’s here, at least, so just enjoy it, kay?

Remember, when you were a kid and you’d wake up at 5:30 in the morning to watch cartoons on Saturday?

Well, I don’t know if kids still do it, when they can just download it and watch it at their leisure, but if they DO, these kids’ shows are a disappointment, I hope.

Why do I hope such a terrible thing? Because they stole their plots and characters from far better shows.

What shows would commit such blasphemy? I’ll tell you!

5. Chaotic < Yugioh!

Pictured: See the similarities? Its all in the marketing.

Pictured: See the similarities? It's all in the marketing.

Ah, capitalizing on a children’s card game byfirst addicting them to a catchy animated series! This simple ploy sold Poke’mon, Yugioh, Duel Masters, and now Chaotic.

Now, many will argue that Chaotic was just a simple Danish card game that was turned into an American cash cow, but the series was undoubtedly made to copy the effects of the ravenous success seen by other card-game-based-anime and anime-based-card-games.

So why specifically Yugioh? Because like Yugioh, the characters of Chaotic retain a “deep” relationship with their cards, meeting some of them face to face in their own world. Eventually, they are even swept up into their war, which still somehow ends up as a card game most of the time, even if it DOES do it less than Yu-Gi-Oh.

That being said, even though Chaotic’s battles take place in a far off world, I’d STILL rather see Yami throw down trap cards than watch Peyton make another fat joke.

4. Robotboy < Astroboy

Pictured: A robot and a boy... can you tell the difference?

Pictured: A robot and a boy... can you tell the difference?

Pick one of the following: (Robot / Little Boy). So, this show is about a (the one you chose), changed to be a (the one you DIDN’T choose) and given to a foster family who tries to teach him to become a more adequate (the one you DIDN’T choose) while avoiding some man who wants to capture him and possibly use him to destory mankind.

Yeah… it’s kind of pallete swap, in my opinion. Only real difference is while Astroboy has great robot fighting action, Robotboy has racism, like the Engrish speaking Dr. Kamikaze, who is a tiny Asian man bent on ending America. Woops.

3. Bakugan < Digimon

Pictured: Confusing, poorly working kids toys that drag you into THEIR war! Woohoo!

Pictured: Confusing, poorly working kids' toys that drag you into THEIR war! Woohoo!

Ok, here we go. This show is about a newly made kids’ toy that somehow revolves around a game that makes very little sense to the generation the toys are marketed to.

The toys let the kids fight their creatures in an anticlimactic way while spurring them to keep pouring their cash into their toys.

In the show, kids are pulled into the world of the monsters and used as master tacticians in their war on evil, and eventually, with the power of friendship, giant dragons that spawn from a two-inch plastic toy, and the brilliant tactical minds of a bunch of elementary school kids, both worlds are saved.

Any questions?

2. Dinosaur King < Poke’mon

Pictured: Nah. Too easy. Read on.

Pictured: Nah. Too easy. Read on.

Alright! So here, our main character is a boy who is teamed up with a spikey looking creature and sent to collect some stuff to be the best there ever was.

He travels with a dude who was originally better than the main character and some girl, both of which are instantly inferior to the main guy.

The monsters are miniturized for easy storage and retain both super cute and viciously feral properties, and constantly defend themselves against a trio of miscreants with random, cookey machinery.

The spikey creature turns out to be an electrical powerhouse, and then Video Games and TCG’s are forced down the throats of American kids.

Oh, both main characters are voiced by the same woman, both the evil girls are voiced by the same girl, who has also played Misty, btw.

1. Johnny Test < Dexter’s Laboratory

Pictured: My rage, incarnate.

Pictured: My rage, incarnate.

Well, goblinites, here we are. Number One. If you’re a drinking man, I’d ready my glass, if I were you.

Pick one: (blonde-haired idiot / red-haired genius)

This show is about a boy who is a short (the one you chose). He is constantly forced to deal with his sibling(s) who can only be described as tall (the one you DIDN’T choose).

The (genius is / geniuses are) constantly working in a laboratory and making inventions that outrank all mainstream science that the dim-witted sibling and talking animal companion (koosalagoopagoop or Dukey) use to get into trouble.

If a character is a genius, they are constantly wearing a white lab coat, black boots, and thick, black-rimmed glasses and have blue (eyes/lenses) to go with the red hair. After the idiot gets into trouble, it’s up to the Laboratory’s genius(es) to fix the problem and save the day.

In addition, the kids also have a blonde-haired father and a short haired mother who are blind to the destruction caused by the lab’s experiments. Also, one of their parents is a clean freak, and the other is usually at work or fighting to relax and spends their dialogue praising the cleaning and cooking of their partner in marriage.

The boy also has a rival, who has better funding but is annoying and socially awkward, despite his infatuation with the main character’s sister.

In the end, despite being a little off-kilter, the main character manages to pull through, at least partially, and usually learns a valuable lesson. Also, no matter what happens, the genius(es) know the lab will soon be invaded once more by the blonde-haired menace sibling, and nothing can stop that.

Well, I’m off to find a spike pit to fall in. See you all later. -GG





Pic of the (Yester)day: Poke’mon Newbie Pack!

25 06 2009

Hey guys, 4 am. Ug.

been trying to type up tomorrow’s top five, only to realize I forgot the Pic of the Day!

It’s tomorrow, I know… but still!

Pictured: Adventure in a spherical package.

Pictured: Adventure in a spherical package.

If you just thought ‘I wonder what monster/item is inside,’ congrats. You’re a nerd. post it in the comments. ^^ It’s the law.

Pictured: In a few levels, hell be useless. A few more levels, unforgetable. Then, five more, useless again.

Pictured: In a few levels, he'll be useless. A few more levels, unforgetable. Then, five more, useless again.

Well, trainers, there ya go. See ya when I wake up. -GG





Midweek Mashup: The Prince VS Altair!

24 06 2009

Hey guys, it’s Wednesday, and you know what THAT means!

It’s the Midweek Mashup!

This week we have two platforming video game giants…

Pictured: Two very interesting characters who were needlessly replaced.

Pictured: Two very interesting characters who were needlessly replaced.

So, first, some history on our newest contenders. Both contain MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF SPOILERS!!!

The Prince:

The Prince is the nameless son of the ruler of Persia, conquering in the name of India, when they came against an impressive force in Azad. The Prince is convinced to steal away in the night and take a treasure called the Dagger of Time and subsequently unleashes the Sands of Time upon both kingdoms.

However, he fights alongside Farah, princess of the rival kingdom and eventually they defeated the Vizier, resealing the Sands and undoing time. Then, instead, the Prince snuck into the palace the morning after and prevented the Vizier’s rise to power. However, Farah no longer knew who he was, her memory undone by the Sands of Time.

He recounted the tale to her, but she refused to believe the Prince.

The prince later sought to undo the Sands entirely (after mysteriously re-acquiring the dagger somehow, it’s never told how) because he was being chased by a being called the Dahaka, which cannot cross pure water.

So, this battle will take place at the beginning of Prince of Persia: Warrior Within.

Altair:

Altair is a trained assassin with a wide array of weapons at his disposal. On a mission from the Assassin’s guild, he fights and kills many, many people without ever being seen, and eventually comes to seek The Chalice.

He soon finds, however, that the Chalice is, in fact, a woman named Adha. Adha is kidnapped by the Templars, and he swears to find her someday.

After returning home, he finds himself blinded by anger and eventually is stripped of his rank and weapons for his insolence. Over a series of assassinations, he regains weapons and skills, eventually reclaiming his former glory and discovering his master isn’t what he seemed.

This is where our fight takes place, before he fights his master at the Assassin’s Guild for the Piece of Eden.

He would go on to find his master abusing artifacts left by Those Who Have Gone Before and seek to reclaim items of technological power in order to end their war with the Templars. However, we know he doesn’t exactly succeed, because his descendant, Desmond, is another in a long line of assassins being harassed by Templars.

It is actually Desmond controlling Altair, so Altair can be damaged far more than a normal person, so long as Desmond lives by the assassin’s cr- I mean- CODE, and keeps Altair in one piece. (King of the Pirates.)

Even Ground

Both are wondrous with a blade, and while The Prince wields two, Altair is better trained.

The Prince can reverse time, slow time, or increase time up to five times. (You’ll see, he only has five sand tanks right here.)

Altair can take an increased amount of damage, being controlled by his descendant.

Altair can throw a few knives, The Prince can throw his swords.

Also, Altair has a faster short sword that excels in parrying and hidden dagger for a sneak attack.

Oh, the prince can swim, Altair can’t. It’ll come into play, probably.

Setting: Gl’chi Gobla, a Desert Oasis

While fleeing the Dahaka, the Prince came across a desert town, surrounded by rivers. He realized he could sleep for a few days here, as the drawbridges had been raised from all the exits.

However, just as the drawbridges were being raised, a man in a flowing white garb lept onto the raising bridge, clinging to the bridge until it had risen completely. Altair looked over his shoulder, realizing there was no going back now, as the river was too wide. He then snuck into the town, intent to find the Technology that would give him the edge against his master and the strange, sand-like monsters that had pursued him through the desert.

The bridges had been raised in fear of two threats: the sand monsters that roamed closer and closer to Gl’chi Gobla, and a band of ruthless rebel raiders known as the Gleechi Gobliinia, who were said to be coming that weekend. The people of Gl’chi Gobla hoped the two threats would wipe each other out.
The town is made of one and two story simple homes, and the entire town in less than a mile across in any direction, surrounded by rivers on all sides. It will be easy for the two to find one another, and I’ll tell you why.

The Deus Ex Machine brand Meddling Informant Robot Generator (or MIRG) has sent two bots to misinform our little contenders. They have informed Altair that the Prince’s Dagger of Time is, in fact, an artifact made by Those Who Have Gone Before, ripe for the taking. The Prince, on the other hand, has been informed that this Assassin seeks to take the dagger for the Vizier and the destruction of his homeland. Also, do the Deus Ex Machina brand Bayformers Devastator Knockoff eating a lot of the sand outside the village, The Prince only has five sand tanks filled.

Ah, and Desmond? They aren’t even giving him a bathroom break until this is finished, they want to know about the Time Dagger, thanks to the Deus Ex Machina brand Badguy Manipulation Engine and the Deus Ex Machina brand Excrement Teleportation Drive.

Well? What do you guys think? Who wins this inevitable showdown and why? POST IN THE COMMENTS FOR AN EXTRA VOTE!!!

I’ll hit you guys tomorrow with an update on the fight, assuming The Polldaddy brand Failure Virus doesn’t contaminate the Deus Ex Machina brand Danger Cams again. -GG






Pic of the Day: Battle 2 Pack!

24 06 2009

Well, I know it’s Wednesday, but I’ve been busy photosho- I mean… uh, using my Deus Ex Machina brand Interdimensional Fight Starter to bring you the Midweek Mashup, which I’ll be posting in the morning.

In honor of the fight to come, I give you two battle-filled pics.

Pictured: A Piledriver for REAL men.

Pictured: A Piledriver for REAL men.

Wow, Freddie Mercury wrestling a shark… phenomenal.

Next?

Pictured: Those of you who know these guys KNOW how awesome they are.

Pictured: Those of you who know these guys KNOW how awesome they are.

For those who don’t know these guys, these guys are the Ouendan. They come from an amazing game pair called Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan!

They’re basically male Japanese cheerleaders who can summon energy beams to destroy meteors, resurrect the dead, and get you into college.

If they fought, like they appear to be getting ready to do, the result would be amazing catastrophic amazing, and maybe also catastrophic.

They’re simply amazing, and you should know that. -GG








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