Glitch of the Week: Final Fantasy 7

25 05 2009
Pictured: The begining of terrible FF games, with the exception of 9.

Pictured: The begining of terrible FF games, with the exception of 9.

This one is about a classic game, albeit not nearly as classic as FF6, 4, etc.

It all started when my step-cousin loaned me the game, back when I had no idea what constituted an RPG. I found myself swept up in the first disc’s cyberpunk setting and interesting characters.

So, I was sorely disapointed by the later levels, and subsequent fanboy-ism that plagues the game to this day. It was a good game. Not a great game. And Tetsuya Nomura can fall off a cliff into something painful, if the lord is merciful to gamers.

Anyhow, I was in the Shinra tower, when Sephiroth murders everyone, leaving the party a trail of blood to follow. However, every time I would go to enter Rufus’ office, the game would fade to black, and the disc would never read.

I tried time and time again, with no results. Then I got angry, but first, an explanation for the faulty disc.

You see, my step cousin had the game, the system, and no memory card. So all he and his family ever played was the first reactor. After a while, his little brothers and sisters threw the disc around, and with no desire to play a 60 hour game in one sitting, they were allowed to use disc one as a frisby in the gravel driveway, causing massive gashes and severe damage to the underside of the game.

Now, many would argue, “GG, this isn’t a glitch, that’s an error!” But the glitch is still to come. For this is the day my data-corrupting powers glitched not game, but reality.

In my fury and desperation, I took the disk tot he bathroom, nickle in hand. There, I furiously scratched the ENTIRE underside of the disk, over and over again, then massaged it with toothpaste and soap, rinsed, and slammed the battered (and now cracking) disk back into my console.

And with that, Rufus’ office loaded, and on I went with my game.

Until next time, don’t get any ideas. -GG

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