Last Minute Movie Monday: Taken

16 06 2009

Let me just start by saying how much I hate timed posts on wordpress. For the life of me, I can’t figure out how to get them to come out on time, so my attempt at a long weekend with no worries that Movie Monday was covered were shattered.

That being said, Here’s Movie Monday for Taken.

This movie was released on DVD just a few weeks ago, but I’ve captivated by it ever since the trailer first came out. Liam Neeson’s iconic lines as Bryan Mills stick in my head so easily that now, having only seen the movie twice, I know them by heart.

As two people out there might have somehow missed EVERY commercial and not want to hear the lines, they’re in spoiler green.

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want.

If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

That’s all the plot synopsis you need for Taken. Those few lines are so ingrained in my mind that I recite them over and over to myself, just to get myself pumped up.

Pictured: The next poster I want to hang on my wall.

Pictured: The next poster I want to hang on my wall.

The movie is a no holds barred, baby punching, dragon choking, by the power of greyskull, knowing is half the battle fight to the death, and I loved every minute of it.

Spoilers in green, as always.

The movie starts out just a tad sluggish the second time through, but after the first fifteen minutes, it’s all the good parts of the Bourne movies without the crappy love interest in-between to fill time. It’s the spy action of Bond without feeling so ridiculously over the top that you can’t relate.

In essence, it’s one of my new favorite movies, and if you readers are who I think you are, you’ll love it too.

At the movie’s beginning, Bryan is re-establishing a relationship with his daughter Kim and dealing with his terrible, obnoxious ho of an ex-wife. Kim reveals she wants to go overseas with a friend, and hides the fact that she wants to follow U2. Why U2? She’s a teenager and doesn’t realize they suck yet. Fifteen minutes in, Bryan’s daughter Kim gets kidnapped, and the ride begins.

For the rest of the movie, Bryan is on the ball like a circus seal on crack. He’s in pursuit in a way that would make James Bond cock an eyebrow, and so amazingly epic that Jack Bauer would have to give this guy respect. 24? Try 9, you pansy. You got CTU to back you up Jack? Wuss. I got three guys with PCs and more info than Brittanica that I dug up with MY OWN TWO HANDS.

Also, unlike other movies in this genre, Bryan doesn’t lug dead weight. He gets his info and sends them on their way. He needs no backup. He needs no help fighting these guys. He needs no authority or authorization except his own and by gum if he isn’t the baddest dude in the world.

See the movie. I know you’re all comfy, relaxing and surfing the web. PUT DOWN YOUR COMPUTER AND GO RENT TAKEN.

In fact, Taken is indeed a terrible title for this movie. It should have been…

Pictured: Liam Neeson is more awesome in Taken than he is here, fighting Hitlers Lion and aliens, saving a puppy from an explosion, stomping children and dual weilding lightsabers.

Pictured: Liam Neeson is more awesome in Taken than he is here, fighting Hitler's Lion and aliens, saving a puppy from an explosion, stomping children and dual wielding lightsabers.

Made that with google image’s help and it still pales in comparison to Taken.

Rent it or I will find you… and I will kill you.

So, for a fast paced plot that isn’t another rehash or remake that made me gasp, got me emotionally involved, and kept me guessing…

Glitchy Goblin gives Taken a 9 / 10.

That being said, I STILL dunno how the remake will work…

Until next time, readers, good luck. -GG




One response

16 06 2009

As a note to those of you who care, those lightsabers aren’t a rendering of Qui-Gon Jins. I got lazy. Sorry.

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