Thursday Top 5: Top 5 Most Delicious Poke’mon!

18 06 2009

I’m hungry, goblinites. It’s late and I’m hungry. You know what that means, this Thursday’s Top 5 will be about food, delicious food! Bot not just any food, why, that would be BORING! Today, I bring, to your wandering eyes…

Top 5 Most Delicious Poke’mon!

I know what you’re thinking: delicious. I agree. …what? You, in the back? You think eating poke’mon is weird for their world…?

Let me get this straight. In a world where every ten year old is set loose to wander the country and never come home, traveling with wild animals and no other form of self defense, and 18 year old boys sleep ten feet away from 10 year old girls they met yesterday, you think the normal consumption of animal meat is WEIRD?! Get out. Leave, right now. Don’t let me see your IP again, you idiot.

And if you’re all ‘Well, I’m a vegetarian’ half of them are talking plants. Where is your logic now, sir?

Now that those morons have left, let’s move on to the deliciousness.

Runner Up Meals – Cherubi and Spoink

Pictured: The cutest fruit I think Ive ever seen.

Pictured: The cutest fruit I think I've ever seen.

Ahh, Cherubi. The monster is a delicious little hopping cherry, full of blood/juice (I don’t care either way) that’s gotta be sweet as sugar.

On the downside, when it evolves, it’s a flower, so you gotta eat it quick.

Plus, as an added (creepy) bonus, when you eat the first one, the other one feels it and begins to scream and cry as you chew. I dunno. It could be cool, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Pictured: Super lean mind-powers-having bacon.

Pictured: Super lean mind-powers-having bacon.

Spoink may look delicious, but he’s a psychic. So watch out.

If you want to eat one, sneak up on it and swat that jewel off its head. Without it, it loses its powers. After that, you just catch it! If it doesn’t bounce, its heart doesn’t beat, so after a minute, you have a tiny meat sack, ripe for the skillet.

Plus, if it bounces every minute of its life, you know that tail is a lean cut of meat. Albeit gray and unappetizing.

5. Farfetch’d

Pictured: A fowl who carries its own flavorings!

Pictured: A fowl who carries its own flavorings!

Farfetch’d looks tasty, doesn’t he? It’s simple. Blast the sucker, then use that leek as a seasoning. You can easily make Farfetch’d soup or grilled Farfetch’d. Maybe even some light stuffing.

No recipe is that far fetched for Farfetch’d.

4. Ditto

Pictured: Pudding or Pot Pie? You decide! ...no, really, you DO decide.

Pictured: Pudding or Pot Pie? You decide! ...no, really, you DO decide.

Everyone says ditto is the hear-all end-all for poke’mon eatery, but I can’t agree. ‘Why not, GG? It can turn into anything! It’s like that gum from Willy Wonka!’

It’s true. You trick Ditto into turning into a snosberry pie, and just start eating, preferably after you put it out of its misery. However, when ditto transforms, its face still looks like ditto… likewise, I believe it would still TASTE like ditto. Yeah, you’ve got your Tilapia, but it still tastes like plain yogurt.

How much would THAT suck? You see hot wings, you smell hot wings, you feel hot wings, but you taste cardboard. I’d want to jump off a cliff.

3. Slowking

Pictured: Random evolution or recipe genius?

Pictured: Random evolution or recipe genius?

The poke’mon media doesn’t talk too much about eating actual poke’mon. However, one of the most documented cases is grilled slowpoke tails. They’re supposed to be a delicacy! This guy has one, and all that other tasty slowpoke meat, plus a bonus!

Rip that thing off its head, crack that shellfish open and grill it too. Use that neck frill (assuming it isn’t just more delicious meat) as a serving dish or fashion accessory. Sweet. That gem too. Good money in these eats.

2. Bulbasaur

Pictured: A four-legged balanced meal.

Pictured: A four-legged balanced meal.

Ah, the first poke’mon in out poke’dex. Bulbasaur has been a favorite of trainers since the very first games, Red and Blue (Green too, in Japan).

Now consider its taste! Kill the thing, pull out some razor leaves, use those to cut open the bulb to make the salad, along with the vines for variation in the salad. Even sprinkle the salad with some seeds in lieu of bacon bits of other toppings.

Cut the torso, head, and legs into vegetarian friendly cuts of meat, and use seeds for seasoning. A tasty meal, for Vegan and Carnivore alike.

1. Delibird

Pictured: A perfect holiday meal for the whole family.

Pictured: A perfect holiday meal for the whole family.

My FAVORITE, Delibird! Yum, Yum!

This guy has EVERYTHING you need for a great dinner. His tail-sack thing? Inside are bombs and ice. Use the bombs to build your fire, and melt the ice for chilled water.

Use the fire to cook Delibird himself, and you’ve got wonderful white meat. Tasty as can be, right? We’re not done yet.

Delibird only learns one attack naturally: Present. The attack can either throw a random bomb or… wait for it… cake.

The bird has CAKE IN ITS TAIL!

Dinner done? Rip open that tail and WHAM. Dessert.

Post which Pocket Monster YOU want to eat and how you’d cook it in the comments!

Bon appetite, Goblinites. I hope you enjoyed this (wo)buffet. -GG

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2 responses

18 06 2009
feralw01f

I’m so hungry now…

20 06 2009
Michael

Enjoyed this post, keep up the great work! =)

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