Hey, Goblinites.
Bringing you a pic of the day 2 pack in honors of Father’s Day.
Remember to honor your dads, readers. Captains too.
Pictured: The emotion that drives One Piece... the emotion that drives Luffy into greatness.
Next up is a touching moment for One Piece fans the world over.
Pictured: A moment that will live forever in my heart.
Welcome back, my Bloodlusting Goblinites!
As you know, this week we have a very exciting challenge on our hands: a treasure hunting contest between the phenomenal Indiana Jones and the astounding Lara Croft! Who will grab the Golden Goblin and claim victory?!
Unfortunately, due to the Polldaddy brand FAILURE generator, I couldn’t access the poll from thursday morning till late last night, so I had no way of ever giving an edge to our battlers or even viewing their progress!
So, let’s just say the Deus Ex Machina brand Adventure Camera was disrupted by the Polldaddy Virus, and had to be repaired!
Now, let’s review the footage.
It seems that due to Lara Croft’s astounding wealth and help from her crew, she actually reached the East Entrance to the Temple of Three Paths before Indy reached his entrance, but she then got stuck at the temple gate!
The gate was a large stone door with an ancient inscription on it. Lara had to run it by various translators, as opposed to Indiana. When Indy arrived at the West Gate, he looked at the inscription and recited the passage of Goblin Lore…
“What is a man?” Indy pondered this, then raised his goblet and muttered, “A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk… have at you!” And with that, he chucked his goblet at the door, shattering it. The door then rumbled and raised, revealing the first path, deep into the temple.
Lara stood there for an hour, shouting, “A pig! A liar! Less awesome than I am, that’s what!!!” Until finally, that nerdy dude from the movies was all like “A miserable little pile of secrets, lol,” and the door raised.
Once inside, the two adventurers found themselves at the mercy of hegu pits of spikes, ferocious animals and spirits, and puzzles that would rattle your feeble little mind.
In one room, the two treasure hunters had to align pillars of light into a spinning crystal surrounded by razor-sharp pendulums, in another, they had to outrun collapsing walls that were the only thing standing between them and another terrible sequel! Then, the ultimate challenge… torture.
As they entered one of the last rooms, there was an ancient game… one where you pit soldiers against soldiers on a chess style board… and they had to play against a twelve year old kid on Xbox live. Lara, who had been dealing with this kind of person for more than a decade, strolled easily through the task. Indiana nearly went insane, but then realized he was less annoying and pretentious than Shia Labeouf and shot the kid, whistled, and went on his way.
Lara rushed into the chamber at the center of the temple, a large, sun-filled room with a huge podium at the middle, atop it, the golden idol. She smirked, having gotten there first, and noted that the exit was the third path of the temple, leading North, to the exit. She approached the podium, victorious, and claimed her prize… and upon inspection, simply found it to be one of Harrison Ford’s thousands of awards.
The award had been placed there by Indiana about an hour prior, and it had been a perfect counterweight for the Golden Goblin statue he now held. He had exited the temple’s North Path with ease. After all, his carrer and popularity had survived Kingdom of the Crystal Skull! What could POSSIBLY harm Indy after THAT?
Meanwhile, the doors at the temple’s central chamber had closed with a THUD, leaving Lara stranded as the sand and snakes poured in from the ceiling, completely blocking out the sun.
Pictured: Glitchy Goblin's Champion of the Week!
That’s right, ladies and gents. With an overwhelming 3 to 1 advantage in the votes, Indiana Jones is this week’s Champion of the Week!
Until next time, Goblinites, watch out for Shia LaFAIL. -GG
Whew. I had one heck of a crappy day yesterday, readers. That, combined with some errors that were going on with wordpress (mainly with their auto-created Polldaddy accounts) meant that I couldn’t even get to my poll to give you guys a heads up on the Midweek Mashup.
That being said, sorry if you guys felt left out. Please keep visiting the site daily.
That being said, this week’s Glitch of the Week is Half-Life 2.
Pictured: One of the world's greatest nerds.
For those of you that care, I’ll do HL1 with the ‘Episode’ games later.
Well, we’re gunna start with HL2, since I think my original Half-Life glitch is more entertaining.
For the none of you who don’t know, and for the hope that Valve will send me money, Half-Life is a FPS about scientist Gordon Freeman who, after an experiment gone wrong, is left in the middle of an alien war on humanity, and only he can save the world.
It’s amazing. buy it.
Now, I’ve got four glitches to report in HL2. Spoilers in green.
1. During the boss fight with the helicopter, I had fought hard and totally wrecked that guy’s day. The helicopter was going down, and I was backing away from the descending wreckage… which was coming right for me.
I thought I was making good distance, that I’d be fine, but then it crashed… right on top of me. I died. I was a little more than dissapointed.
2. Near the end of the game, inside the citadel, there’s a long level where you ride a prisoner transport for a bit. Remember it? It isn’t important.
In this level, you have to run along, uniterupted by guards and such, and eventually, you reach a railing you you need to jump. Just a simple jump. Easy as pie.
Nope. I press the spacebar, and nothing. Not so much as a skip. I reset the control. No change. Re-assigned the button? No dice. Had to play the level again after restarting the game.
Now for the big ones.
3. Partway through the game, Gordon and Alyx Vance arte fighting the combine underground, and Gordon is expected to protect her at all costs. The level loads, I’m ready to protect her.
But not protect BOTH of her.
There were two ‘Alyx Vance’s following me around. One ended up getting gunned down, so I lost the level, much to my dismay. But it was so worth it for the story. ^_^
Dangermuffin had the same glitch in a different area.
4. Lastly, I like to do nonsensical things in video games. Like, say, dragging turrets through levels so I can use them as free ammo and make my life easier.
I did this up to the rescue of Eli Vance where I positioned the turrets at the back of the room and defended them, letting them cover me. This was all well and good, until the part where Alyx uses the prisoner transport system to bring Eli down.
The turret, which only targets enemies and won’t fire on Alyx or friendly NPC’s, shot him in the face, causing him to fall through his restraints and lay dead on the floor.
The characters simply stood there, staring at Gordon. I ran around, confused, and the story couldn’t progress as he was supposed to speak and further the story.
Mwmalecky found this bug too, luckily. He also assuced the turrets of racism… which isn’t that far of a stretch here, actually.
I reloaded the game, just to hear the BE-BE-BEEP of the turret charging up and killing him again. I reloaded AGAIN, heard the BE-BE-BEEP again, spun and shotguned the turret like crazy. Lucky for me, it didn’t have time to murder him that time.
Dang. Crazy glitches, huh?
I still love that game.
I’ll post the finale of the Midweek Mashup later, along with the pic of the day. Thanks for understanding.
Until next time, Goblinites, avoid racist turrets. -GG
I’m hungry, goblinites. It’s late and I’m hungry. You know what that means, this Thursday’s Top 5 will be about food, delicious food! Bot not just any food, why, that would be BORING! Today, I bring, to your wandering eyes…
I know what you’re thinking: delicious. I agree. …what? You, in the back? You think eating poke’mon is weird for their world…?
Let me get this straight. In a world where every ten year old is set loose to wander the country and never come home, traveling with wild animals and no other form of self defense, and 18 year old boys sleep ten feet away from 10 year old girls they met yesterday, you think the normal consumption of animal meat is WEIRD?! Get out. Leave, right now. Don’t let me see your IP again, you idiot.
And if you’re all ‘Well, I’m a vegetarian’ half of them are talking plants. Where is your logic now, sir?
Now that those morons have left, let’s move on to the deliciousness.
Pictured: The cutest fruit I think I've ever seen.
Ahh, Cherubi. The monster is a delicious little hopping cherry, full of blood/juice (I don’t care either way) that’s gotta be sweet as sugar.
On the downside, when it evolves, it’s a flower, so you gotta eat it quick.
Plus, as an added (creepy) bonus, when you eat the first one, the other one feels it and begins to scream and cry as you chew. I dunno. It could be cool, if you’re into that sort of thing.
Pictured: Super lean mind-powers-having bacon.
Spoink may look delicious, but he’s a psychic. So watch out.
If you want to eat one, sneak up on it and swat that jewel off its head. Without it, it loses its powers. After that, you just catch it! If it doesn’t bounce, its heart doesn’t beat, so after a minute, you have a tiny meat sack, ripe for the skillet.
Plus, if it bounces every minute of its life, you know that tail is a lean cut of meat. Albeit gray and unappetizing.
Pictured: A fowl who carries its own flavorings!
Farfetch’d looks tasty, doesn’t he? It’s simple. Blast the sucker, then use that leek as a seasoning. You can easily make Farfetch’d soup or grilled Farfetch’d. Maybe even some light stuffing.
No recipe is that far fetched for Farfetch’d.
Pictured: Pudding or Pot Pie? You decide! ...no, really, you DO decide.
Everyone says ditto is the hear-all end-all for poke’mon eatery, but I can’t agree. ‘Why not, GG? It can turn into anything! It’s like that gum from Willy Wonka!’
It’s true. You trick Ditto into turning into a snosberry pie, and just start eating, preferably after you put it out of its misery. However, when ditto transforms, its face still looks like ditto… likewise, I believe it would still TASTE like ditto. Yeah, you’ve got your Tilapia, but it still tastes like plain yogurt.
How much would THAT suck? You see hot wings, you smell hot wings, you feel hot wings, but you taste cardboard. I’d want to jump off a cliff.
Pictured: Random evolution or recipe genius?
The poke’mon media doesn’t talk too much about eating actual poke’mon. However, one of the most documented cases is grilled slowpoke tails. They’re supposed to be a delicacy! This guy has one, and all that other tasty slowpoke meat, plus a bonus!
Rip that thing off its head, crack that shellfish open and grill it too. Use that neck frill (assuming it isn’t just more delicious meat) as a serving dish or fashion accessory. Sweet. That gem too. Good money in these eats.
Pictured: A four-legged balanced meal.
Ah, the first poke’mon in out poke’dex. Bulbasaur has been a favorite of trainers since the very first games, Red and Blue (Green too, in Japan).
Now consider its taste! Kill the thing, pull out some razor leaves, use those to cut open the bulb to make the salad, along with the vines for variation in the salad. Even sprinkle the salad with some seeds in lieu of bacon bits of other toppings.
Cut the torso, head, and legs into vegetarian friendly cuts of meat, and use seeds for seasoning. A tasty meal, for Vegan and Carnivore alike.
Pictured: A perfect holiday meal for the whole family.
My FAVORITE, Delibird! Yum, Yum!
This guy has EVERYTHING you need for a great dinner. His tail-sack thing? Inside are bombs and ice. Use the bombs to build your fire, and melt the ice for chilled water.
Use the fire to cook Delibird himself, and you’ve got wonderful white meat. Tasty as can be, right? We’re not done yet.
Delibird only learns one attack naturally: Present. The attack can either throw a random bomb or… wait for it… cake.
The bird has CAKE IN ITS TAIL!
Dinner done? Rip open that tail and WHAM. Dessert.
Post which Pocket Monster YOU want to eat and how you’d cook it in the comments!
Bon appetite, Goblinites. I hope you enjoyed this (wo)buffet. -GG
Well, we’re into our Midweek Mashup now and I must say, the votes are surprising!
You people love your treasure hunters, eh? ^_^
Well, in honor of their most epic battle, I’m bringing you guys a double shot of epic battle in picture form. Here we go!
Pictured: You, getting dead by the love of Jesus.
Brutal and splendid. Next we have something a little more… savage.
Pictured: The coolest battle ever involving a T-rex, walking tanks, Jin-Roh and a cave.
Hey you guys. Enough breaking news that doubles as the pic of the day, let’s get back in the brand new swing of things and get our Wednesday rolling with our weekly battle royale…
Last week, we saw Megaman, the Blue Bomber, get slammed into submission by that part Human, part Chozo, all action super-star, Samus Aran!
This week, we have a brand new challenge.
Pictured: Their kid could even find the long lost remains of Shia Labeouf's acting skills.
The premise is very simple, ladies and gentlemen. First, let’s go over the equipment.
Around 40 years old, has a doctorate in history and knows more about ancient civilizations than the people who lived there.
Armed with his trusty pistol and whip, leather jacket body armor and a striking fedora.
Weaknesses include a weakness to snakes. Jones also hesitates to hit a lady, but will if necessary. Also tends to be too trusting and lacking in people skills.
Strengths include incredible willpower and endurance. Deities sometimes favor him. He also has a college education and doesn’t hesitate to kill. Survived both world wars and shook Hitler’s hand.
Around 28 years old. Her birthday was originally in 1968, but it has since been said that she lives on a shifting timeline, keeping her around her late 20’s. Knows only what she hears and knows from private research. Lacks even a highschool education.
Armed with twin pistols (That need to reload! No infinite Ammo, either! She and Indy have the same amount of bullets.) and whatever she finds on the ground. No professional training. No melee abilities.
Weaknesses include lack of physical combat, less health and endurance than Jones, hated by many deities. Slightly less hesitant to kill. (In anniversary she records her first human kill, which haunts her throughout the game.)
Strengths include incredible stamina and acrobatics skill, and is reliable with a wide array of weapons. Fought dinosaurs.
Both are knowledgeable about history. Indy studied under his father, on his own as a child and teen during WWI, then professionally and in college. Lara, on the other hand, has been adventuring her entire life and knows nothing else.
Likewise, they’ve both faced unbelievable foes. Indy dealt with the Ark of the Covenant, fought an entire Cult, Nazis over and over again, rival archeologists, and entire cultures. Lara fought Dinosaurs once, wolves, hit men, bears, and so forth.
Thanks to our old pall, the Deus Ex Machina brand Random Temple Generator, our competitors find themselves 1002 miles apart, each 500 miles from their entrance of the Temple of Three Paths. They were both just informed by the Deus Ex Machina brand Informant for Hire that there’s a priceless Golden Goblin located within the temple, but no one knows where it is or what dangers the temple holds.
Now, your challenge, my little minions, tell me who would get to their entrance of the temple first, and who you think will win this little competition! Vote now and check back tomorrow for our update!
As always, you can gain bonus votes by explaining your decision in detail in the comments section!
Until tomorrow, treasure hunters -GG
Alright, I may suck at sneaking games, but I’ve tried my hand at every Metal Gear game I’ve come across.
They’re hard, and they kill my soul.
Now, most have already seen this pic I’m about to post… the one about Sony having a MGS Movie Poster on their wall.
Pictured: A potentially great movie's poster.
Now, supposedly, this beauty is hanging on a Sony Pictures wall in Culver City, California.
A normal blog would stop there. I’ve enhanced the image, cause I love ya.
Pictured: Same poster, but MUCH clearer.
Now, if this is true, it’s a movie where Christian Bale will be bloody distracted by genome soldiers as he fills the shoes of Solid Snake. Daniel Craig would also be playing Solid’s brother, Liquid, and the whole ordeal would be directed by Hideo Kojima himself and would be released in July of 2011.
As a HUGE fan of the storyline of these games (I’ve watched friends beat every single one on a major console, cause I suck) I would see this movie even if it was as bad as Dragonball Evolution. What about you guys?
Thanks to Substandard for the huge tip.
Ok readers. I was going to sleep, but I had three free iced mochas from McDonalds so… I’m a little wired.
So I decided to post the Tunes of Tuesday, and I’m feeling generous, so I’m giving you TWO great tracks to rock.
First up is a song from the upcoming Fall show, Glee. It’s a show about a glee club, and if THEY aren’t nerds, I’ve never met one in my life. Watch it. Love it. Wait for Glee.
Thanks to 87DemiLovato for that, I’ve been humming that all week.
What’s track two? A little number my bud Elliot linked me to. Thanks Elliot. It’s a Firefly tune called Mal’s Song, it’s a very grassroots performance of the full song where Firefly’s theme comes from.
Thanks to jaysedai for that video.
I love it. Hope you do too, readers!
Matt, shaddup. We all know you hate Firefly’s theme song. No, not you, Matticus. Different Matt.
Oh, and MSG stands for Mal’s Song and Glee. there ya go. -GG
So, while looking up pics to use in the photoshop image for my Taken review, I found some interesting info, and I pass it on to you, the reader.
Yknow, cause I care.
Pictured: Guess who Liam Neeson is playing next? Read on.
Liam Neeson has quite a few movies on the table right now, but two caught my eye and made my eyebrow arch, yknow, in surprise and awe, as well as shock and horror.
Can’t fathom it? Think I’m lying? Both? Go check IMDB and see if I’m not right. Forget it, I’ll give you a link. Here you go.
Crazy, huh? Wait for the second one.
In addition, it’s rumored that Rap artist Common is playing B.A. Baracus.
Also, apparently now they’re Veterans of the IRAQ War, so expect the entire movie to be warped into modernism. Sad but true, internet. Sad but true.
Ridiculous, I know. Lies? You wish.
As a side note about Common, he’s also playing Green Lantern in the upcoming / never coming Justice League movie. Adam Brody as Flash, if you haven’t heard. Insane. I’m going to bed now. Here ya go.
Until the next insane movie news reaches my ears or screen, or I wake up for Tunes of Tuesday -GG
Ok, it’s ACTUALLY Tuesday now, blasted timed post problem.
Today I give you a two pack of a great game series I’m just now trying… I give you Earthbound.
Pictured: Beautiful art for an amazing game series.
So beautiful! Right click and view the full sized image. It’s amazing.
Pictured: One of the most scarring final batles ever.
Hope you love these pics like I do guys. -GG
Glitchy Goblin 