Tunes of Tuesday: Childhood Reimagined 2 Pack!

24 06 2009

I’ve already posted this once. Dang saving issues… So here we go again.

I know it’s late, sorry bout that, ya’ll.

This week, we’re looking at two videos that reimagine things from my childhood.

Thanks to Levus28 and beaufortribbons (respectively) in advance.

First, we’ve got Dragonforce’s “Through the Fire and the Flames” performed on the SNES game Mario Paint (ported to PC).

Sweet midi goodness.

Next, we’ve got a song called “Fun Punch” by the Bag Raiders to a proposed super sentai style show called Rescue Force, not to be confused with the inferior Tomica Hero Rescue Force.

Nice. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m fixing my post order and signing off. -GG


Pic of the Day: Firefly 2 pack!

22 06 2009

Ah, Firefly.

My uncle recently got into this show thanks to me, and now he likes it more than Star Trek. Doesn’t sound like much?

The man named his children after Star Trek characters, he owns models of every Enterprise, and went to conventions dressed as a Klingon on more than one occasion.

That being said, this one’s for you, Uncle Roy.

Pictured: Its like a swimsuit calendar for Kaley.

Pictured: It's like a swimsuit calendar for Kaley.

Next up is a sweet background of Serenity’s symbol. Hope y’all enjoy.

Pictured: One of the finest ship logos ever.

Pictured: One of the finest ship logos ever.

Until next time, guys, you can’t take the sky from me. -GG

Random Video: Peep Disaster!

22 06 2009

I know, no scheduled post, but I wanted to share this with you guys. Watch and enjoy!

…or don’t, I don’t care.

…you guys suck. 😥

Meh. I can say what I want, you guys don’t read what I type anyway.

Kudos, Daneboe, kudos.

Movie Monday: Valkyrie

22 06 2009

Hello, my goblinites! After a night in the hospital, I have returned!

So, tiredness aside, I bring you the oh-so-familiar Movie Monday!

This week, I’ll be reviewing the movie I watched with my step-father on Father’s Day: Valkyrie!

Pictured: Eyepatches make guys look hardcore. End of story.

Pictured: Eyepatches make guys look hardcore. End of story.

Spoilers in green, as always.

Valkyrie is a movie about Colonel Claus von Stauffenburg, a German soldier during WWII who conspires with some of his fellow soldiers to assassinate Adolf Hitler to protect Germany from his tyrannical regime.

As the movie is based on a true story, they didn’t succeed. If you just thought to yourself, ‘that’s a spoiler, that should be in green!’ then you should leave my site and never return, because you are an idiot. That wouldn’t even be INFLUENCED by a true story. They’d have to say ‘loosely inspired by a fake story we heard one time while drunk’ to get away with that noise.

Anyhow, I watched it with my step father and uncle, both of whom are war nuts, and know their history quite well. They really loved the historical accuracy of the film, and constantly commented on the make and model of various planes, weapons, cars, and even a couple personal experiences in Germany.

Now, a point of interest. When the assassination attempt begins, the explosive is placed near Hitler’s feet, inside Stauffenburg’s briefcase, and it is knocked over and replaced on the other side of a table leg. From various sources, including my uncle the history buff, it was this six inches of movement that saved Hitler’s life. In addition, had the meeting been held in the originally planned location or had Stauffenburg not lost one of the explosives, it still would have taken Hitler’s life. You read right. Hitler was saved by a table leg and six inches of movement.

Now, according to the internets, the movie has its share of historical inaccuracies, which are as follows. (courtesy of IMDB)

1. Hermann Goering is not wearing his “Blue Max” WWI medal. It should have been around his neck, with his Iron Cross. Another character is correctly shown wearing his Blue Max.

2. When von Stauffenberg is recruited in the church, the camera pans up to show the bombed-out ceiling. Nuns and priests removed the stained glass windows from churches and buried them outside cities before the Allied forces began bombing Germany. If the ceiling was bombed out, the stained glass windows shouldn’t be there.

3. The building the German army barricades in Berlin is identified as the Ministry of Interior. It was actually the Reich Air Ministry. Today, it is the German Finance Ministry.

4. The aircraft Hitler rides, and which the plotters attempt to blow up, is a Ju-52 trimotor. In reality, Hitler’s aircraft at the time was the four-engined FW-200 “Condor.” None survived, so they couldn’t be used for filming.

5. In a number of scenes, Colonel Stauffenberg is seen wearing red stripes on his trouser legs. Only German Generals wore the red stripes.

Other than that, though, the movie had most all of its facts right as far as I can tell.

A number of people had problems with this movie, claiming it was boring and that is had poor acting, some even claim it just isn’t historically accurate.

However, I have yet to hear one good argument as to the lack of historical accuracy, the movie’s acting was fine, using the common babelfish ploy (where the viewer can understand other languages as their own) and the acting really pulled me in.

In fact, I think that most people who complained about this movie were simply misinformed by advertising. The commercials made this movie out to be a hardcore, run-n-gun action flick, which it is not. It is very much so a historical piece that centralizes on an assassination attempt.

The long and short of it is, in my opinion, that people need to stop seeing a man in a military outfit with an eye patch and assuming he’s Solid Snake. Stauffenburg isn’t gunna call Mei Ling, he isn’t gunna fight Vulcan Raven, and he isn’t gunna listen to J-Pop as an old man punching crazy women.

That being said, the advertising really did make the movie out to be more of an action movie, and that’s a shame. Valkyrie really was good, and you should watch it.

Glitchy Goblin gives Valkyrie a 7/10.

If the Director’s Cut tweaks the pacing a little, it would deserve higher.

Until next time, Goblinites, long live sacred Germany. -GG

Pic of the Day: Burden of Being Captain

20 06 2009

Hey, Goblinites.

Bringing you a pic of the day 2 pack in honors of Father’s Day.

Remember to honor your dads, readers. Captains too.

Pictured: The emotion that drives One Piece... the emotion that drives Luffy into greatness.

Pictured: The emotion that drives One Piece... the emotion that drives Luffy into greatness.

Next up is a touching moment for One Piece fans the world over.

Pictured: A moment that will live forever in my heart.

Pictured: A moment that will live forever in my heart.

Midweek Mashup: Champion of the Week

20 06 2009

Welcome back, my Bloodlusting Goblinites!

As you know, this week we have a very exciting challenge on our hands: a treasure hunting contest between the phenomenal Indiana Jones and the astounding Lara Croft! Who will grab the Golden Goblin and claim victory?!

Unfortunately, due to the Polldaddy brand FAILURE generator, I couldn’t access the poll from thursday morning till late last night, so I had no way of ever giving an edge to our battlers or even viewing their progress!

So, let’s just say the Deus Ex Machina brand Adventure Camera was disrupted by the Polldaddy Virus, and had to be repaired!

Now, let’s review the footage.

It seems that due to Lara Croft’s astounding wealth and help from her crew, she actually reached the East Entrance to the Temple of Three Paths before Indy reached his entrance, but she then got stuck at the temple gate!

The gate was a large stone door with an ancient inscription on it. Lara had to run it by various translators, as opposed to Indiana. When Indy arrived at the West Gate, he looked at the inscription and recited the passage of Goblin Lore…

“What is a man?” Indy pondered this, then raised his goblet and muttered, “A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk… have at you!” And with that, he chucked his goblet at the door, shattering it. The door then rumbled and raised, revealing the first path, deep into the temple.

Lara stood there for an hour, shouting, “A pig! A liar! Less awesome than I am, that’s what!!!” Until finally, that nerdy dude from the movies was all like “A miserable little pile of secrets, lol,” and the door raised.

Once inside, the two adventurers found themselves at the mercy of hegu pits of spikes, ferocious animals and spirits, and puzzles that would rattle your feeble little mind.

In one room, the two treasure hunters had to align pillars of light into a spinning crystal surrounded by razor-sharp pendulums, in another, they had to outrun collapsing walls that were the only thing standing between them and another terrible sequel! Then, the ultimate challenge… torture.

As they entered one of the last rooms, there was an ancient game… one where you pit soldiers against soldiers on a chess style board… and they had to play against a twelve year old kid on Xbox live.  Lara, who had been dealing with this kind of person for more than a decade, strolled easily through the task. Indiana nearly went insane, but then realized he was less annoying and pretentious than Shia Labeouf and shot the kid, whistled, and went on his way.

Lara rushed into the chamber at the center of the temple, a large, sun-filled room with a huge podium at the middle, atop it, the golden idol. She smirked, having gotten there first, and noted that the exit was the third path of the temple, leading North, to the exit. She approached the podium, victorious, and claimed her prize… and upon inspection, simply found it to be one of Harrison Ford’s thousands of awards.

The award had been placed there by Indiana about an hour prior, and it had been a perfect counterweight for the Golden Goblin statue he now held.  He had exited the temple’s North Path with ease. After all, his carrer and popularity had survived Kingdom of the Crystal Skull! What could POSSIBLY harm Indy after THAT?

Meanwhile, the doors at the temple’s central chamber had closed with a THUD, leaving Lara stranded as the sand and snakes poured in from the ceiling, completely blocking out the sun.

Pictured: Glitchy Goblins Champion of the Week!

Pictured: Glitchy Goblin's Champion of the Week!

That’s right, ladies and gents. With an overwhelming 3 to 1 advantage in the votes, Indiana Jones is this week’s Champion of the Week!

Until next time, Goblinites, watch out for Shia LaFAIL. -GG

Glitch of the Week: Half-Life 2

20 06 2009

Whew. I had one heck of a crappy day yesterday, readers. That, combined with some errors that were going on with wordpress (mainly with their auto-created Polldaddy accounts) meant that I couldn’t even get to my poll to give you guys a heads up on the Midweek Mashup.

That being said, sorry if you guys felt left out. Please keep visiting the site daily.

That being said, this week’s Glitch of the Week is Half-Life 2.

Pictured: One of the worlds greatest nerds.

Pictured: One of the world's greatest nerds.

For those of you that care, I’ll do HL1 with the ‘Episode’ games later.

Well, we’re gunna start with HL2, since I think my original Half-Life glitch is more entertaining.

For the none of you who don’t know, and for the hope that Valve will send me money, Half-Life is a FPS about scientist Gordon Freeman who, after an experiment gone wrong, is left in the middle of an alien war on humanity, and only he can save the world.

It’s amazing. buy it.

Now, I’ve got four glitches to report in HL2. Spoilers in green.

1. During the boss fight with the helicopter, I had fought hard and totally wrecked that guy’s day. The helicopter was going down, and I was backing away from the descending wreckage… which was coming right for me.

I thought I was making good distance, that I’d be fine, but then it crashed… right on top of me. I died. I was a little more than dissapointed.

2. Near the end of the game, inside the citadel, there’s a long level where you ride a prisoner transport for a bit. Remember it? It isn’t important.

In this level, you have to run along, uniterupted by guards and such, and eventually, you reach a railing you you need to jump. Just a simple jump. Easy as pie.

Nope. I press the spacebar, and nothing. Not so much as a skip. I reset the control. No change. Re-assigned the button? No dice. Had to play the level again after restarting the game.

Now for the big ones.

3. Partway through the game, Gordon and Alyx Vance arte fighting the combine underground, and Gordon is expected to protect her at all costs. The level loads, I’m ready to protect her.

But not protect BOTH of her.

There were two ‘Alyx Vance’s following me around. One ended up getting gunned down, so I lost the level, much to my dismay. But it was so worth it for the story. ^_^

Dangermuffin had the same glitch in a different area.

4. Lastly, I like to do nonsensical things in video games. Like, say, dragging turrets through levels so I can use them as free ammo and make my life easier.

I did this up to the rescue of Eli Vance where I positioned the turrets at the back of the room and defended them, letting them cover me. This was all well and good, until the part where Alyx uses the prisoner transport system to bring Eli down.

The turret, which only targets enemies and won’t fire on Alyx or friendly NPC’s, shot him in the face, causing him to fall through his restraints and lay dead on the floor.

The characters simply stood there, staring at Gordon. I ran around, confused, and the story couldn’t progress as he was supposed to speak and further the story.

Mwmalecky found this bug too, luckily. He also assuced the turrets of racism… which isn’t that far of a stretch here, actually.

I reloaded the game, just to hear the BE-BE-BEEP of the turret charging up and killing him again. I reloaded AGAIN, heard the BE-BE-BEEP again, spun and shotguned the turret like crazy. Lucky for me, it didn’t have time to murder him that time.

Dang. Crazy glitches, huh?

I still love that game.

I’ll post the finale of the Midweek Mashup later, along with the pic of the day. Thanks for understanding.

Until next time, Goblinites, avoid racist turrets. -GG