Thur- I mean Saturday Top 5: Current Cartoons That Rip Off FAR Better Cartoons

27 06 2009

I know it’s more than late. Rough week. It’s here, at least, so just enjoy it, kay?

Remember, when you were a kid and you’d wake up at 5:30 in the morning to watch cartoons on Saturday?

Well, I don’t know if kids still do it, when they can just download it and watch it at their leisure, but if they DO, these kids’ shows are a disappointment, I hope.

Why do I hope such a terrible thing? Because they stole their plots and characters from far better shows.

What shows would commit such blasphemy? I’ll tell you!

5. Chaotic < Yugioh!

Pictured: See the similarities? Its all in the marketing.

Pictured: See the similarities? It's all in the marketing.

Ah, capitalizing on a children’s card game byfirst addicting them to a catchy animated series! This simple ploy sold Poke’mon, Yugioh, Duel Masters, and now Chaotic.

Now, many will argue that Chaotic was just a simple Danish card game that was turned into an American cash cow, but the series was undoubtedly made to copy the effects of the ravenous success seen by other card-game-based-anime and anime-based-card-games.

So why specifically Yugioh? Because like Yugioh, the characters of Chaotic retain a “deep” relationship with their cards, meeting some of them face to face in their own world. Eventually, they are even swept up into their war, which still somehow ends up as a card game most of the time, even if it DOES do it less than Yu-Gi-Oh.

That being said, even though Chaotic’s battles take place in a far off world, I’d STILL rather see Yami throw down trap cards than watch Peyton make another fat joke.

4. Robotboy < Astroboy

Pictured: A robot and a boy... can you tell the difference?

Pictured: A robot and a boy... can you tell the difference?

Pick one of the following: (Robot / Little Boy). So, this show is about a (the one you chose), changed to be a (the one you DIDN’T choose) and given to a foster family who tries to teach him to become a more adequate (the one you DIDN’T choose) while avoiding some man who wants to capture him and possibly use him to destory mankind.

Yeah… it’s kind of pallete swap, in my opinion. Only real difference is while Astroboy has great robot fighting action, Robotboy has racism, like the Engrish speaking Dr. Kamikaze, who is a tiny Asian man bent on ending America. Woops.

3. Bakugan < Digimon

Pictured: Confusing, poorly working kids toys that drag you into THEIR war! Woohoo!

Pictured: Confusing, poorly working kids' toys that drag you into THEIR war! Woohoo!

Ok, here we go. This show is about a newly made kids’ toy that somehow revolves around a game that makes very little sense to the generation the toys are marketed to.

The toys let the kids fight their creatures in an anticlimactic way while spurring them to keep pouring their cash into their toys.

In the show, kids are pulled into the world of the monsters and used as master tacticians in their war on evil, and eventually, with the power of friendship, giant dragons that spawn from a two-inch plastic toy, and the brilliant tactical minds of a bunch of elementary school kids, both worlds are saved.

Any questions?

2. Dinosaur King < Poke’mon

Pictured: Nah. Too easy. Read on.

Pictured: Nah. Too easy. Read on.

Alright! So here, our main character is a boy who is teamed up with a spikey looking creature and sent to collect some stuff to be the best there ever was.

He travels with a dude who was originally better than the main character and some girl, both of which are instantly inferior to the main guy.

The monsters are miniturized for easy storage and retain both super cute and viciously feral properties, and constantly defend themselves against a trio of miscreants with random, cookey machinery.

The spikey creature turns out to be an electrical powerhouse, and then Video Games and TCG’s are forced down the throats of American kids.

Oh, both main characters are voiced by the same woman, both the evil girls are voiced by the same girl, who has also played Misty, btw.

1. Johnny Test < Dexter’s Laboratory

Pictured: My rage, incarnate.

Pictured: My rage, incarnate.

Well, goblinites, here we are. Number One. If you’re a drinking man, I’d ready my glass, if I were you.

Pick one: (blonde-haired idiot / red-haired genius)

This show is about a boy who is a short (the one you chose). He is constantly forced to deal with his sibling(s) who can only be described as tall (the one you DIDN’T choose).

The (genius is / geniuses are) constantly working in a laboratory and making inventions that outrank all mainstream science that the dim-witted sibling and talking animal companion (koosalagoopagoop or Dukey) use to get into trouble.

If a character is a genius, they are constantly wearing a white lab coat, black boots, and thick, black-rimmed glasses and have blue (eyes/lenses) to go with the red hair. After the idiot gets into trouble, it’s up to the Laboratory’s genius(es) to fix the problem and save the day.

In addition, the kids also have a blonde-haired father and a short haired mother who are blind to the destruction caused by the lab’s experiments. Also, one of their parents is a clean freak, and the other is usually at work or fighting to relax and spends their dialogue praising the cleaning and cooking of their partner in marriage.

The boy also has a rival, who has better funding but is annoying and socially awkward, despite his infatuation with the main character’s sister.

In the end, despite being a little off-kilter, the main character manages to pull through, at least partially, and usually learns a valuable lesson. Also, no matter what happens, the genius(es) know the lab will soon be invaded once more by the blonde-haired menace sibling, and nothing can stop that.

Well, I’m off to find a spike pit to fall in. See you all later. -GG