Midweek Mashup: Champion of the Week!

28 06 2009

I really hate problems like apartments. Keeps me from posting like I want. Glitch of the Week comes late Sunday, guys.

Well, the votes were few, but still, I will post the results with pride.

Along the market-filled streets of Gl’Chi Gobla, the Prince wandered through the booths, taking in the sites and sounds of the town he would have otherwise ran screaming through, left with no time for frivolity. Thanks to the rivers, the Dahaka was kept at bay.

It was very… peaceful. A peace that had been too long in its arrival.

A peace that had made the Prince slack in his wariness, missing the white-robed figure following him from building to building, perched on the ledges like a hawk whenever the Prince he followed stopped to browse merchandise.

The Prince stopped, smiling seductively to a pretty young fruit vendor, asking her idly about the price of her pomegranites, having been told once by a princess how much women loved them.

Altair edged out onto a wooden perch and checked his hidden blade. It slid in its mechanism as if it was brand new and had never seen blood.

He lept.

In a sudden crash, Altair pinned the Prince to the ground, inserting the hidden blade into the Prince’s heart like a knife in warm bread. It was over.

It was then that the sand flowed from his dagger, pulling Altair back into the air. The Prince felt the air flow back into him, then out again, watched his conversation undo itself.

This time, he simply walked past the booth and smiled at the girl, taking note of the assassin above as he pretended to wink at the girl playfully.

However, Altair was quick to notice that his mark’s mood had changed, and decided to back off, concealing himself in the crowd below. Sure enough, soon it was the Prince who was looking for his tail and Altair who had his eyes on his target again.

Altair slipped through the crowd, closing in on the man.

The Prince headed for an edge of the town, figuring that if he was by the water’s edge, the assassin would have less space to hide from him.

He was wrong.

The Prince heard a scream and turned around, seeing a dead body on the ground. He looked to the rooftops, and then suddenly, he felt a hand on his back, the sharp pains of a blade entering his back.

Cursing under his breath, the Prince let the sands dull his pain, pulling Altair away. Now he saw him, hiding in the crowd. He wouldn’t let him escape this time. He would have to play it cool and retaliate, his sands not being able to go back far enough to undo the other man’s death.

The woman screamed again. For a second time, the Prince turned to see the body, but the second he felt the assassin grown near, he grabbed his hand and flung him over the railing and into the river.

For a frozen second, Altair inhaled sharply, taken aback as he realized he was heading for the river… heading for the end of his life. However, if he was to die… he would claim his mark as well.

So, less still less than a foot from the Prince, Altair drew a throwing knife and let fly, hitting the Prince right between the eyes.

The Prince was sweating now. He knew he would soon run out of sand, and that no matter how he threw the assassin, the throwing blade would still end his life.

For the third time, the sands removed a blade from the Prince, pulling Altair back into the Prince’s hand, back into Altair’s striking position. The Prince knew he would have to be fast.

Altair had him. He knew the Prince would look to the screaming crowd, these nobles always did stupid things. He moved in, preparing his hidden blade, keeping it hidden from the crowd, closing in on the Prince.

It was here that the Prince finished his time reversing, suddenly whipping around, drawing his blades and slashing at the assassin. Damage woud have ravaged his body, but the Animus machine forgave Desmond’s error, simply lowering his synchronization. Both Desmond and his ancestor were shocked at the Prince’s speed.

Altair drew his parrying blade, and the crowd fled from their duel, watching as the swords flashed and clanged, the two men locked in spark-inducing combat, their faces strained with effort.

The Prince saw as Altair left an opening, trying to defend himself. He drew his blade back, prepared to rid himself of this assassin by exploiting this weakness.

It was just as Altair had wanted him to do, exploiting the weakness Altair and Desmond had let the Prince see. In a flash, Altair parried the strike and dove in, slashing the Prince open in one swift moment.

The Prince was furious, watching as Altair withrew his attack, watching his stomach sew itself back together, and saw the opening, again, but this time, held back, turning and fleeing the assault.

The Prince knew that a throwing blade was coming. Altair hadn’t used it on him in the current ‘now,’ his previous use having been undone, so he knew the assassin would rely on it now, thinking it still an ace in the hole. Altair did indeed sling his arm, letting fly with a blade, and watched in amazement as the Prince slide to the right, the blade instead sticking in a wooden booth frame.

Altair was not done. Neither was Desmond. Neither was the Prince, relying on the last of his sand to get him away from this nightmarish attacker. Altair pursued, not letting the Prince slip into the crowd, as he so desired. Up onto the booths Altair flew, then to a perch, and then, the rooftops. He spotted the Prince with his Eagle Vision and let fly with another throwing blade.

The Prince hadn’t expected an attack from above, not so soon. He used the last of his sand, pulling the blade from his brain, retracing his steps to a weapon’s booth.

Now, as Altair let fly, he saw a glint of metal as the Prince had grabbed up a falchion and hurled it in Altair’s direction, knocking the blade to the ground and seriously wounding Altair. Desmond watched at the screen turned white and red, loosing focus more and more, and fought to maintain this crucial state.

The Prince kept running, looking for his pursuer again on the rooftops, expecting him to be flustered. He so expected this, in fact, that he didn’t notice as Altair lept from the nearby hay bale, drawing his longsword. The Prince watched, gasping in horror, as the hooded, hawk-like figure drove the blade through him.

The Dagger of Time dropped from the Prince’s hands. The hawk closed his talons around his prey, and as people screamed, he fled to the rooftops and in minutes… he was gone.

Pictured: One HUEG picture. Open it full size if you dont believe me.

Pictured: One HUEG picture. Open it full size if you don't believe me.

Congratulations to Altair: Champion of the Week!

Got a great fight you’d like to suggest? I NEED SOME. Send your fights to me, I’ll give you the credit!!! -GG


Midweek Mashup: The Prince VS Altair!

24 06 2009

Hey guys, it’s Wednesday, and you know what THAT means!

It’s the Midweek Mashup!

This week we have two platforming video game giants…

Pictured: Two very interesting characters who were needlessly replaced.

Pictured: Two very interesting characters who were needlessly replaced.

So, first, some history on our newest contenders. Both contain MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF SPOILERS!!!

The Prince:

The Prince is the nameless son of the ruler of Persia, conquering in the name of India, when they came against an impressive force in Azad. The Prince is convinced to steal away in the night and take a treasure called the Dagger of Time and subsequently unleashes the Sands of Time upon both kingdoms.

However, he fights alongside Farah, princess of the rival kingdom and eventually they defeated the Vizier, resealing the Sands and undoing time. Then, instead, the Prince snuck into the palace the morning after and prevented the Vizier’s rise to power. However, Farah no longer knew who he was, her memory undone by the Sands of Time.

He recounted the tale to her, but she refused to believe the Prince.

The prince later sought to undo the Sands entirely (after mysteriously re-acquiring the dagger somehow, it’s never told how) because he was being chased by a being called the Dahaka, which cannot cross pure water.

So, this battle will take place at the beginning of Prince of Persia: Warrior Within.


Altair is a trained assassin with a wide array of weapons at his disposal. On a mission from the Assassin’s guild, he fights and kills many, many people without ever being seen, and eventually comes to seek The Chalice.

He soon finds, however, that the Chalice is, in fact, a woman named Adha. Adha is kidnapped by the Templars, and he swears to find her someday.

After returning home, he finds himself blinded by anger and eventually is stripped of his rank and weapons for his insolence. Over a series of assassinations, he regains weapons and skills, eventually reclaiming his former glory and discovering his master isn’t what he seemed.

This is where our fight takes place, before he fights his master at the Assassin’s Guild for the Piece of Eden.

He would go on to find his master abusing artifacts left by Those Who Have Gone Before and seek to reclaim items of technological power in order to end their war with the Templars. However, we know he doesn’t exactly succeed, because his descendant, Desmond, is another in a long line of assassins being harassed by Templars.

It is actually Desmond controlling Altair, so Altair can be damaged far more than a normal person, so long as Desmond lives by the assassin’s cr- I mean- CODE, and keeps Altair in one piece. (King of the Pirates.)

Even Ground

Both are wondrous with a blade, and while The Prince wields two, Altair is better trained.

The Prince can reverse time, slow time, or increase time up to five times. (You’ll see, he only has five sand tanks right here.)

Altair can take an increased amount of damage, being controlled by his descendant.

Altair can throw a few knives, The Prince can throw his swords.

Also, Altair has a faster short sword that excels in parrying and hidden dagger for a sneak attack.

Oh, the prince can swim, Altair can’t. It’ll come into play, probably.

Setting: Gl’chi Gobla, a Desert Oasis

While fleeing the Dahaka, the Prince came across a desert town, surrounded by rivers. He realized he could sleep for a few days here, as the drawbridges had been raised from all the exits.

However, just as the drawbridges were being raised, a man in a flowing white garb lept onto the raising bridge, clinging to the bridge until it had risen completely. Altair looked over his shoulder, realizing there was no going back now, as the river was too wide. He then snuck into the town, intent to find the Technology that would give him the edge against his master and the strange, sand-like monsters that had pursued him through the desert.

The bridges had been raised in fear of two threats: the sand monsters that roamed closer and closer to Gl’chi Gobla, and a band of ruthless rebel raiders known as the Gleechi Gobliinia, who were said to be coming that weekend. The people of Gl’chi Gobla hoped the two threats would wipe each other out.
The town is made of one and two story simple homes, and the entire town in less than a mile across in any direction, surrounded by rivers on all sides. It will be easy for the two to find one another, and I’ll tell you why.

The Deus Ex Machine brand Meddling Informant Robot Generator (or MIRG) has sent two bots to misinform our little contenders. They have informed Altair that the Prince’s Dagger of Time is, in fact, an artifact made by Those Who Have Gone Before, ripe for the taking. The Prince, on the other hand, has been informed that this Assassin seeks to take the dagger for the Vizier and the destruction of his homeland. Also, do the Deus Ex Machina brand Bayformers Devastator Knockoff eating a lot of the sand outside the village, The Prince only has five sand tanks filled.

Ah, and Desmond? They aren’t even giving him a bathroom break until this is finished, they want to know about the Time Dagger, thanks to the Deus Ex Machina brand Badguy Manipulation Engine and the Deus Ex Machina brand Excrement Teleportation Drive.

Well? What do you guys think? Who wins this inevitable showdown and why? POST IN THE COMMENTS FOR AN EXTRA VOTE!!!

I’ll hit you guys tomorrow with an update on the fight, assuming The Polldaddy brand Failure Virus doesn’t contaminate the Deus Ex Machina brand Danger Cams again. -GG

Midweek Mashup: Champion of the Week

20 06 2009

Welcome back, my Bloodlusting Goblinites!

As you know, this week we have a very exciting challenge on our hands: a treasure hunting contest between the phenomenal Indiana Jones and the astounding Lara Croft! Who will grab the Golden Goblin and claim victory?!

Unfortunately, due to the Polldaddy brand FAILURE generator, I couldn’t access the poll from thursday morning till late last night, so I had no way of ever giving an edge to our battlers or even viewing their progress!

So, let’s just say the Deus Ex Machina brand Adventure Camera was disrupted by the Polldaddy Virus, and had to be repaired!

Now, let’s review the footage.

It seems that due to Lara Croft’s astounding wealth and help from her crew, she actually reached the East Entrance to the Temple of Three Paths before Indy reached his entrance, but she then got stuck at the temple gate!

The gate was a large stone door with an ancient inscription on it. Lara had to run it by various translators, as opposed to Indiana. When Indy arrived at the West Gate, he looked at the inscription and recited the passage of Goblin Lore…

“What is a man?” Indy pondered this, then raised his goblet and muttered, “A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk… have at you!” And with that, he chucked his goblet at the door, shattering it. The door then rumbled and raised, revealing the first path, deep into the temple.

Lara stood there for an hour, shouting, “A pig! A liar! Less awesome than I am, that’s what!!!” Until finally, that nerdy dude from the movies was all like “A miserable little pile of secrets, lol,” and the door raised.

Once inside, the two adventurers found themselves at the mercy of hegu pits of spikes, ferocious animals and spirits, and puzzles that would rattle your feeble little mind.

In one room, the two treasure hunters had to align pillars of light into a spinning crystal surrounded by razor-sharp pendulums, in another, they had to outrun collapsing walls that were the only thing standing between them and another terrible sequel! Then, the ultimate challenge… torture.

As they entered one of the last rooms, there was an ancient game… one where you pit soldiers against soldiers on a chess style board… and they had to play against a twelve year old kid on Xbox live.  Lara, who had been dealing with this kind of person for more than a decade, strolled easily through the task. Indiana nearly went insane, but then realized he was less annoying and pretentious than Shia Labeouf and shot the kid, whistled, and went on his way.

Lara rushed into the chamber at the center of the temple, a large, sun-filled room with a huge podium at the middle, atop it, the golden idol. She smirked, having gotten there first, and noted that the exit was the third path of the temple, leading North, to the exit. She approached the podium, victorious, and claimed her prize… and upon inspection, simply found it to be one of Harrison Ford’s thousands of awards.

The award had been placed there by Indiana about an hour prior, and it had been a perfect counterweight for the Golden Goblin statue he now held.  He had exited the temple’s North Path with ease. After all, his carrer and popularity had survived Kingdom of the Crystal Skull! What could POSSIBLY harm Indy after THAT?

Meanwhile, the doors at the temple’s central chamber had closed with a THUD, leaving Lara stranded as the sand and snakes poured in from the ceiling, completely blocking out the sun.

Pictured: Glitchy Goblins Champion of the Week!

Pictured: Glitchy Goblin's Champion of the Week!

That’s right, ladies and gents. With an overwhelming 3 to 1 advantage in the votes, Indiana Jones is this week’s Champion of the Week!

Until next time, Goblinites, watch out for Shia LaFAIL. -GG

Midweek Mashup: Indiana Jones VS Lara Croft

17 06 2009

Hey you guys. Enough breaking news that doubles as the pic of the day, let’s get back in the brand new swing of things and get our Wednesday rolling with our weekly battle royale…

Glitchy Goblin’s Midweek Mashup!

Last week, we saw Megaman, the Blue Bomber, get slammed into submission by that part Human, part Chozo, all action super-star, Samus Aran!

This week, we have a brand new challenge.

Pictured: Their kid could even find the long lost remains of Shia Labeoufs acting skills.

Pictured: Their kid could even find the long lost remains of Shia Labeouf's acting skills.

The premise is very simple, ladies and gentlemen. First, let’s go over the equipment.

Indiana Jones (Post Last Crusade)

Around 40 years old, has a doctorate in history and knows more about ancient civilizations than the people who lived there.

Armed with his trusty pistol and whip, leather jacket body armor and a striking fedora.

Weaknesses include a weakness to snakes. Jones also hesitates to hit a lady, but will if necessary. Also tends to be too trusting and lacking in people skills.

Strengths include incredible willpower and endurance. Deities sometimes favor him. He also has a college education and doesn’t hesitate to kill. Survived both world wars and shook Hitler’s hand.

Lara Croft

Around 28 years old. Her birthday was originally in 1968, but it has since been said that she lives on a shifting timeline, keeping her around her late 20’s. Knows only what she hears and knows from private research. Lacks even a highschool education.

Armed with twin pistols (That need to reload! No infinite Ammo, either! She and Indy have the same amount of bullets.) and whatever she finds on the ground. No professional training. No melee abilities.

Weaknesses include lack of physical combat, less health and endurance than Jones, hated by many deities. Slightly less hesitant to kill. (In anniversary she records her first human kill, which haunts her throughout the game.)

Strengths include incredible stamina  and acrobatics skill, and is reliable with a wide array of weapons. Fought dinosaurs.

Equal Ground

Both are knowledgeable about history. Indy studied under his father, on his own as a child and teen during WWI, then professionally and in college. Lara, on the other hand, has been adventuring her entire life and knows nothing else.

Likewise, they’ve both faced unbelievable foes. Indy dealt with the Ark of the Covenant, fought an entire Cult, Nazis over and over again, rival archeologists, and entire cultures. Lara fought Dinosaurs once, wolves, hit men, bears, and so forth.

Setting: The Temple of Three Paths

Thanks to our old pall, the Deus Ex Machina brand Random Temple Generator, our competitors find themselves 1002 miles apart, each 500 miles from their entrance of the Temple of Three Paths. They were both just informed by the Deus Ex Machina brand Informant for Hire that there’s a priceless Golden Goblin located within the temple, but no one knows where it is or what dangers the temple holds.

Now, your challenge, my little minions, tell me who would get to their entrance of the temple first, and who you think will win this little competition! Vote now and check back tomorrow for our update!

As always, you can gain bonus votes by explaining your decision in detail in the comments section!

Until tomorrow, treasure hunters -GG

Midweek Mashup: Champion of the Week

13 06 2009

Rockman let fly with his mega buster, to which Samus retaliated with a wide blast of Plasma energy. The two shots collided and exploded into a shower of sparks, and so the fight began.

For a while, it was an interchange of energy, Samus dodging past Metal blades and firing Missiles, Rock ducking beneath Volt Driver shots and launching Rolling Cutters.

Finally, Rock was getting low on health, and Samus had lost about half, thanks to her ridiculous amount of Energy Tanks. Samus then decided to make a mad dash for her ship. Inside, she could repair her armor and use her ship to finish this fight. In a few short steps, she began to glow and hum, beginning her boost dash.

Rock, however, put two and two together and without hesitation activated his Time Stopper. The air glittered as he rushed forward, past the still and silent warrior, drinking an E Tank as he went and placing the empty canister beneath Samus’ feet.

He then readied his shot and the second his Flash Stopper ran out of energy, Rock switched to his Crash Bombs and fired on Samus’ ship.

Samus, who had been in the process of charging her dash, suddenly saw the blue robot seemingly teleported in front of her, and didn’t notice the titanium canister beneath her running feet. She slid on the rolling can, and fell, morphing into her morph ball form as she went.

The Crash Bomb connected, metal claws digging into the hull, and a second later, as Samus rolled towards her enemy, the crash bomb exploded, knocking the ship offline!

Samus was infuriated, and as Rockman looked around, wondering where his foe had gone, he saw only a large ball rolling his way. He fired shots into it, to no avail, and it rolled past, leaving three small glowing items behind.

The Morph Ball Bombs detonated, injuring Rockman, who switched to his Atomic Fire just as a transmission came through. It was Dr. Light! “Rock, I’ve sent Rush to help you! You’ve taken on advanced robots before, you can do this!” Rush soon landed, barking at the ball. Samus regained her normal form and eyed the robotic dog quizzically.

Rock activated Rush Jet, and hopped on the dog’s back. From here, Rock launched a full-out aerial strike on Samus, who retaliated with every bean in her arsenal. Rockman had the edge, and continued his onslaught, pushing Samus back with every blast of Atomic Fire, Metal Blade, and Charge Shot. He even began dropping Bubble Lead on her, which began messing with her visor and targeting system.*

Samus had had enough. Again, she ran forward dodging the robot’s attacks, and began to glow and hum. Rockman continued to fire, but to no avail. Her speed boost had been activated. She ran at time-obliterating speed, stopping just beneath Rush Jet. Then, she jumped. The super-fast jump propelled her up, up, and further still. She collided with Rush jet, breaking him clean in two, and sending Rock hurtling toward the ground.

As Samus landed, she saw Rock discarding another empty E Tank. Rock readied his weapon, blind with anger. Samus rushed forward, activating her speed boost again. However, rock was ready, using Time Man’s Time Slow.

He thought it would give him the edge, but he was wrong.

Samus rushed forward at inconceivable speed, and Rock could barely even process it as Samus Boost Dashed clean through the small blue bot.

Damaged heavily, Megaman turned to face his opponent, finding himself facing a devastating weapon’s barrel… Samus looked down and silently let fly with her Nova Beam.

As the showering sparks subsided, only one warrior was left standing…

Pictured: A 62 walking arsenal or destruction.

Pictured: A 6'2 walking arsenal or destruction.

Samus Aran is Glitchy Goblin’s FIRST Champion of the Week!

Post in the comments who you’d like to see fight next week! I’ll use the one I like best!

Pic of the Day: Retro Game 2 Pack! ALSO, Midweek Mashup UPDATE!

10 06 2009

Hey there, you geeks, GG here.

The first third of our Rockman VS. Samus throwdown is finished, and at the end of the first third, Samus is hitting hard and taking no prisoners. It looks like it might be the end for our Blue Bomber!

Just don’t forget, guys, Megaman isn’t alone! He’s got Rush Jet on his side, just like Samus has her ship. Or she HAD her ship, that is!

For day 2, the Deus Ex Machina brand Atomic Access Destruction Ray has destroyed Samus’ ability to contact her ship in combat, due to her overwhelming advantage. Also, Rush has arrived to aid Rock in combat! Let’s also not forget Flashman’s time stopping weapon, crash bombs (which could arguably destroy the ship entirely) Atomic Fire, Search Snakes, and since Powered UP counts as a remake, much like Zero Mission, he’s also sporting the Oil Slider and Time Man’s Time Slow weapon.

I doubt anyone wants to change their vote, but if it happens, lemme know. Why did all this happen on day 2? Well, thank the Deus Ex Machina brand Fight Advantage Generator!

Also, Pic of the Day! Classics are rollin’ at ya!

Pictured: Innocent video game or Frat Party waiting to happen? You decide.

Pictured: Innocent video game or Frat Party waiting to happen? You decide.

Next, they may not be Concussion Missles or Crash Bombs, but we do have some BOOM!

Pictured: Best way to attack you enemy stealthily and still dismember them... unless, yknow, youve got Bombchus.

Pictured: Best way to attack you enemy stealthily and still dismember them... unless, yknow, you've got Bombchus.

Tune in tomorrow for the Rock VS Samus Final Twist during the Pic of the Day, and Saturday for the Final Results!

Midweek Mashup: Samus Aran Versus Rockman

10 06 2009

Ok, welcome to the Midweek Mashup stadium! Here, I will pit two titans against one another, and YOU, my readers, will decide the victor through vote and explanation!

Basically, I will post the arena, the conditions, and the scenario. You will then post a comment about who beats who, and WHY. Just voting is good, but explaination can overcome vote count in my arena! Be inventive, and you may still see the character with fewer votes come out on top! It’s up to YOU!

This week, on the Midweek Mashup, we see two video game legends…

Pictured: Red versus Blue, for all you Halo players... no, neither one of them are Master Chief.

Pictured: Red versus Blue, for all you Halo players... no, neither one of them are Master Chief.

Setting: At the collapsed ruins of Dr. Wily’s Skull Castle, Rockman receives a message from Dr. Light…

“Rock! I’ve analyzed the data from Wily’s ship. It appears he was planning a trip to a remote planet to mine a new energy form called Phazon. I’ve scanned the system and it turns out there are several ships already there! I’m teleporting you to the coordinates now. Good luck!”

A few trillion miles later, instantaneously thanks to the Super Deus Ex Machina brand Teleportation Unit, Rock stands on the surface of an unfamiliar planet, when he spots a robotic unit armed with a similar arm cannon…

Meanwhile, Samus Aran has finished her job on Phaaze and has just landed on SR388. She checks her visor for life forms and had just begun heading for a doorway to the interior of the planet when she noted an incoming robot traveling at impossible speeds. She turns and readies her weapon, training her sights on the predicted point of impact, and braced herself for a shock wave that never came.

Samus was taken aback when suddenly, before her stood a small blue robot, not to be fooled by his humanoid face because of her scanning visor.

She kept her Beam Cannon locked on the target, who turned, noticing her, and raised his weapon, which began to hum ominously. Samus also began charging her weapon.

Oh, if only they had been able to understand one another. Rockman would have heard Samus yell ‘Are you a Space Pirate!?’ Samus, on the other hand, would have heard, ‘Are you with Wily?!’ Instead, they both heard otherworldly gibberish, thanks to the Deus Ex Machina brand Conversation Scrambling Device, and as such, their battle begins…


Rockman has everything from Megaman 3 and prior, thanks to the Deus Ex Machina brand Weapons Recovery Drive.

The WRD has also re-armed Samus, giving her everything from Metroid Prime 3: Corruption and before.

Well? Who wins, and why? TELL ME!