Last Minute Movie Monday: Taken

Let me just start by saying how much I hate timed posts on wordpress. For the life of me, I can’t figure out how to get them to come out on time, so my attempt at a long weekend with no worries that Movie Monday was covered were shattered.

That being said, Here’s Movie Monday for Taken.

This movie was released on DVD just a few weeks ago, but I’ve captivated by it ever since the trailer first came out. Liam Neeson’s iconic lines as Bryan Mills stick in my head so easily that now, having only seen the movie twice, I know them by heart.

As two people out there might have somehow missed EVERY commercial and not want to hear the lines, they’re in spoiler green.

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want.

If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

That’s all the plot synopsis you need for Taken. Those few lines are so ingrained in my mind that I recite them over and over to myself, just to get myself pumped up.

Pictured: The next poster I want to hang on my wall.

The movie is a no holds barred, baby punching, dragon choking, by the power of greyskull, knowing is half the battle fight to the death, and I loved every minute of it.

Spoilers in green, as always.

The movie starts out just a tad sluggish the second time through, but after the first fifteen minutes, it’s all the good parts of the Bourne movies without the crappy love interest in-between to fill time. It’s the spy action of Bond without feeling so ridiculously over the top that you can’t relate.

In essence, it’s one of my new favorite movies, and if you readers are who I think you are, you’ll love it too.

At the movie’s beginning, Bryan is re-establishing a relationship with his daughter Kim and dealing with his terrible, obnoxious ho of an ex-wife. Kim reveals she wants to go overseas with a friend, and hides the fact that she wants to follow U2. Why U2? She’s a teenager and doesn’t realize they suck yet. Fifteen minutes in, Bryan’s daughter Kim gets kidnapped, and the ride begins.

For the rest of the movie, Bryan is on the ball like a circus seal on crack. He’s in pursuit in a way that would make James Bond cock an eyebrow, and so amazingly epic that Jack Bauer would have to give this guy respect. 24? Try 9, you pansy. You got CTU to back you up Jack? Wuss. I got three guys with PCs and more info than Brittanica that I dug up with MY OWN TWO HANDS.

Also, unlike other movies in this genre, Bryan doesn’t lug dead weight. He gets his info and sends them on their way. He needs no backup. He needs no help fighting these guys. He needs no authority or authorization except his own and by gum if he isn’t the baddest dude in the world.

See the movie. I know you’re all comfy, relaxing and surfing the web. PUT DOWN YOUR COMPUTER AND GO RENT TAKEN.

In fact, Taken is indeed a terrible title for this movie. It should have been…

Pictured: Liam Neeson is more awesome in Taken than he is here, fighting Hitler's Lion and aliens, saving a puppy from an explosion, stomping children and dual wielding lightsabers.

Made that with google image’s help and it still pales in comparison to Taken.

Rent it or I will find you… and I will kill you.

So, for a fast paced plot that isn’t another rehash or remake that made me gasp, got me emotionally involved, and kept me guessing…

Glitchy Goblin gives Taken a 9 / 10.

That being said, I STILL dunno how the remake will work…

Until next time, readers, good luck. -GG

Midweek Mashup: Champion of the Week

Rockman let fly with his mega buster, to which Samus retaliated with a wide blast of Plasma energy. The two shots collided and exploded into a shower of sparks, and so the fight began.

For a while, it was an interchange of energy, Samus dodging past Metal blades and firing Missiles, Rock ducking beneath Volt Driver shots and launching Rolling Cutters.

Finally, Rock was getting low on health, and Samus had lost about half, thanks to her ridiculous amount of Energy Tanks. Samus then decided to make a mad dash for her ship. Inside, she could repair her armor and use her ship to finish this fight. In a few short steps, she began to glow and hum, beginning her boost dash.

Rock, however, put two and two together and without hesitation activated his Time Stopper. The air glittered as he rushed forward, past the still and silent warrior, drinking an E Tank as he went and placing the empty canister beneath Samus’ feet.

He then readied his shot and the second his Flash Stopper ran out of energy, Rock switched to his Crash Bombs and fired on Samus’ ship.

Samus, who had been in the process of charging her dash, suddenly saw the blue robot seemingly teleported in front of her, and didn’t notice the titanium canister beneath her running feet. She slid on the rolling can, and fell, morphing into her morph ball form as she went.

The Crash Bomb connected, metal claws digging into the hull, and a second later, as Samus rolled towards her enemy, the crash bomb exploded, knocking the ship offline!

Samus was infuriated, and as Rockman looked around, wondering where his foe had gone, he saw only a large ball rolling his way. He fired shots into it, to no avail, and it rolled past, leaving three small glowing items behind.

The Morph Ball Bombs detonated, injuring Rockman, who switched to his Atomic Fire just as a transmission came through. It was Dr. Light! “Rock, I’ve sent Rush to help you! You’ve taken on advanced robots before, you can do this!” Rush soon landed, barking at the ball. Samus regained her normal form and eyed the robotic dog quizzically.

Rock activated Rush Jet, and hopped on the dog’s back. From here, Rock launched a full-out aerial strike on Samus, who retaliated with every bean in her arsenal. Rockman had the edge, and continued his onslaught, pushing Samus back with every blast of Atomic Fire, Metal Blade, and Charge Shot. He even began dropping Bubble Lead on her, which began messing with her visor and targeting system.*

Samus had had enough. Again, she ran forward dodging the robot’s attacks, and began to glow and hum. Rockman continued to fire, but to no avail. Her speed boost had been activated. She ran at time-obliterating speed, stopping just beneath Rush Jet. Then, she jumped. The super-fast jump propelled her up, up, and further still. She collided with Rush jet, breaking him clean in two, and sending Rock hurtling toward the ground.

As Samus landed, she saw Rock discarding another empty E Tank. Rock readied his weapon, blind with anger. Samus rushed forward, activating her speed boost again. However, rock was ready, using Time Man’s Time Slow.

He thought it would give him the edge, but he was wrong.

Samus rushed forward at inconceivable speed, and Rock could barely even process it as Samus Boost Dashed clean through the small blue bot.

Damaged heavily, Megaman turned to face his opponent, finding himself facing a devastating weapon’s barrel… Samus looked down and silently let fly with her Nova Beam.

As the showering sparks subsided, only one warrior was left standing…

Pictured: A 6'2 walking arsenal or destruction.

Samus Aran is Glitchy Goblin’s FIRST Champion of the Week!

Post in the comments who you’d like to see fight next week! I’ll use the one I like best!

For you Shonen Jump Fans Without an Ipod…

I came across these few videos while browsing the internet tonight, and couldn’t wait to share with you guys. It’s a collection of four great Ipod videos I found on youtube. Kudos to AlexanderTheEmperor, 2CHUMI and chissaiojisan in advance.

First up: for the three of you who know about this series, this video made the Ipod look so appetizing I WRYYY’d. JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure is first.

Muda da. That rocked my ZA WARUDO. Next? We got a two pack of the ladies of One Piece. First up is Nico Robin.

Very cool use of some amazing clips of a great character. Next up is the navigator, Nami. Incidentaly, I wonder what’s ON their Ipods?

That does indeed sound like a song Nami would listen to… if the band paid her. Again, great work. Last but not least is Gintama. I love this one.

Maybe I just haven’t seen enough of that crazy show. Maybe I’ll run read that manga now…

Either way, go load up some music to your Ipod and read some Shonen Jump. If you don’t, I’ll find you. Or at least try. Ok, I won’t try, but I’ll think about it. No I won’t. Do it. And until then, GG.

Pic of the Day: America Freedom Edition!

Alright guys, even though hits are down and it’s depressing me somewhat, you guys are my audience, and I will not ignore you.

For you, today, I bring to you another marvelous picture, and in honor of Rainbow Shining Super Jesus Obama, I’m posting another defender of American freedom, only this one’s been doing it for more than 40 years.

Pictured: A defender of American freedom, battler of evil, and depending on who wrote for the issue, mind-blowing rascist!

I dunno about you, but like most politicians, I’d vote for him, depending on who was writing for him… that goes both for Cap AND the politicians.

Glitch of the Week: Bioshock

In keeping with our Battle Royale and giant mechanized warriors with weapons for arms, I decided to do some of my favorite glitches from the phenomenally fun Bioshock.

Pictured: A Father / Daughter pair you do NOT want to mess with... unless you want to perform an exorsism on her or rot her flesh off. Then go for it.

I really loved playing this game. It may not have been difficult and the final boss may have been too easy for my liking, but it doesn’t detract from the VERY enjoyable and oddly unique-per-person experience of Bioshock.

I, for example, kept getting pictures of the chameleon splicers till I could become invisible, then stood silently in a room and waited for someone to wander in front of my gun. Then, after they were twitching and their comrades were yelling for them, I turned invisible and repeated the process. I also took many a big daddy as bodyguards and every time I saw a machine, I hacked faster than Lizzie Borden.

That being said, I wish there were a few more ending options. It’s all dependedant on what you do to the Little Sisters. Kill even one, you get the bad ending. Kill them ALL, get the same bad ending, but she sounds a little more miffed about it. Save ALL of them, get the good ending.

In the end, you can either be Mega Baby Punching Hitler Hussein or Rainbow Shining Super Jesus Obama.

Pictured: That second one.

Also, here’s yesterday’s pic of the day. I knew I forgot to do something.

Well, onto the glitches. I’ve got a few to report about. Spoilers in green.

– About halfway into the game, my audio broke. To the point where sound effects were mere bloops, music was like a scratched CD, and the vocal acting was suddenly on par with Stephen Hawking. Still better than Twilight though.

-Later, in the apartment complex, you can happen upon a cache of guns. What sucks is that they’re behind iron bars. However, if you have Telekinesis, you can pull them to you and lo and behold, ammo galore!

Now, I had a Big Daddy following me at this point, and I was grabbing stuff like crazy. I grabbed a shotgun, then some bullets, so on and so forth, and then I accidentally picked up some pistol rounds. Being full, he just held them in his TK grip, and then tossed them.

I watched, in terror, as the bullets bounced off the shelf at the back, flew towards me, between the bars, over my head, and and tapped my Big Daddy companion on the noggin. She instantly flew into a rage and shot me full of holes.

-However, the oddest glitch was right at the end of the game, as you are supposed to chase Frank Fontain to the final battle area and you see him outside of the Bathysphere.

The game loaded the level, I walked forward, near the fire, and the game froze. I tried again. It froze. Frustrated, I loaded an earlier save and played the grueling powers randomly shifting level before that, and got back to the level, where it froze again.

I then went to Hastings to rent the game. It was there, but they said that someone had put the box out by mistake. I was given a coupon for a free rental. I came back the next day. Same thing. Next day, same deal. Ended up with a fist full of free rental coupons and no game.

Angry, I went to Blockbuster. They didn’t have the game, not even in their SYSTEM. They didn’t carry it there at all, they said.

So, I headed to Hollywood Video. Rented the game, headed home. It still froze, and upon examining the disk, the underside appeared to have been warped prior to my renting it. I returned the game, angry, and asked for a refund. They said they’d put a free rental on the account, which they didn’t do. I don’t rent from there now.

So, I headed to Hastings, to snag another free coupon, but the game box wasn’t there. As I left, I decided to ask, on sheer chance. The game WAS in, even though there was no box. I rented it and headed home. Still failed.

So, I called a friend, who brought over his Xbox, put in the game, and beat it in two hours. Perfect. Still, the other Xbox hasn’t had a single problem with any other game I’ve ever seen.

So, I glitched multiple video stores, a system, and the game itself. I still love Bioshock. Until next time, readers, don’t mess with Mr. Bubbles. -GG

Thursday Top 5: Zombie Board Games

I love me some zombies. I love me some Board Games. I love me some Ice Cream. I love me some fire. So, while I can’t have it all at once, it’s good to know that there are THESE fine games to combine the first two (or maybe three).

5. Send More Brains

Pictured: The only real art on the site. Play it anyway.

On the down side of our first item, much like that creepy coworker you avoid in the halls, it’s not all there. It’s still missing some very basic things, and you even have to print it all off yourself.

However, the bright side of this is that it is FREE, and sports some really smart, really interesting rules. Check it out! You’ll be happy (or maybe frustrated) that you did!

4. All Things Zombie

Pictured: One cool box that sells better to teenage boys... for TWO reasons. Huh.

Ok, so remember that guy from work? Assuming he or she is your opposite sex (or you just swing that way) have you ever considered dating them?

Well, even if you haven’t, the metaphor remains intact. Like them, they turn out a little boring and overpriced. This game, like Left 4 Dead, only has four official maps, and without figures, it gets a little dull, all being tokens and whatnot. Plus, still costs $50.

Not like that guy, however, its rules are so complicated you’d swear you’re playing Earthdawn now and again. However, once they’re learned, it’s really fun! Plus, the maps look really nice.

3. Zombie Town

Pictured: Just as nerdy as any board game, but it segues into good movies, so you can recover some of that lost pride if your crush walks in and looks all shocked.

Zombie Town is really impressive. It allows for powerful team work and is closer to the heart of zombie movies. You work to survive, barricading yourself in and hoarding supplies.

Downside? Well, in the end, it’s all about who has the most stuff at the end. No dramatic ending here, just people cowering in the corner. Yknow, like the REAL zombie Armageddon. So, in the end, the game just sort of fizzles out.
On the plus side, the expansion, Road Rage, allows you to use cars to run down the brain munchers, so that’s nice. Just expect about a $50 price.

2. Zombies!!!

Pictured: A game that is literally never the same twice unintentionally.

Zombies is a huge blast if you’ve got a group of friends, but it has its up and downs.

Firstly, the board is made of cards, so you shuffle the deck and the board expands as the game goes on. This is cool and bad. You can’t really use strategy to move forward, because you dunno where anything is. On the plus, you can just pretend the characters all hate each other and all wandered to the Jesus statue safe zone at the same time.

Also, due to the nature of the game, the game ends in a huge hate-filled flurry with everyone rushing for the helicopter. I guess it’s realistic, in a way, but it lacks defensive strategy and teamwork.

It does have TEN EXPANSIONS, from clowns to prison, from college to a make-your-own-expansion expansion. This means that with creativity, you can make a ton of new and different games. One side expansion is even called Humans!!! and allows players to divide into two teams, zombies and survivors, and fight one another. There’s also a Martians!!! game of the same design, different genre. If you worked hard, you might combine them.

The core set cost me $30, and each expansion costs around $15. Plus extra for additional games, like Medieval. Plus, there’s dog zombies, glow in the dark, chick zombies… awesome.

Play it, cause it’s a blast! Just be sure your friends don’t get all fussy and gripe over the outcome. It HAS happened… several times.

1. Last Night on Earth

Pictured: The next board game I plan to purchase and lick. I wonder how it tastes...?

Ah, finally… remember that guy? imagine now that creepy coworker actually turning out to be a nice girl / guy with a much deeper personality than you realized. Now you feel like a jerk, don’t you?

Ok, metaphor has gone too far, cause this game just makes you feel warm and fuzzy, like a kitten made of cookies. Mmmm chocolate chip fur…

Anywho, the game combines the modular board of Zombies!!! with the personalized characters and deep team-based play I had wanted before. Teams split into heroes and zombies, and the fight is on! It has a ton of expansions, one of which is a CD to set the ‘Horror Movie Mood.’

All of the art is actual pictures, meaning you get some more of that old school zombie movie goodness with every piece of art you encounter. Mix and match, you’ll see a ton of new and interesting outcomes.

Also, the price isn’t rediculous. Buy it and love it. I will.

Pic of the Day: Retro Game 2 Pack! ALSO, Midweek Mashup UPDATE!

Hey there, you geeks, GG here.

The first third of our Rockman VS. Samus throwdown is finished, and at the end of the first third, Samus is hitting hard and taking no prisoners. It looks like it might be the end for our Blue Bomber!

Just don’t forget, guys, Megaman isn’t alone! He’s got Rush Jet on his side, just like Samus has her ship. Or she HAD her ship, that is!

For day 2, the Deus Ex Machina brand Atomic Access Destruction Ray has destroyed Samus’ ability to contact her ship in combat, due to her overwhelming advantage. Also, Rush has arrived to aid Rock in combat! Let’s also not forget Flashman’s time stopping weapon, crash bombs (which could arguably destroy the ship entirely) Atomic Fire, Search Snakes, and since Powered UP counts as a remake, much like Zero Mission, he’s also sporting the Oil Slider and Time Man’s Time Slow weapon.

I doubt anyone wants to change their vote, but if it happens, lemme know. Why did all this happen on day 2? Well, thank the Deus Ex Machina brand Fight Advantage Generator!

Also, Pic of the Day! Classics are rollin’ at ya!

Pictured: Innocent video game or Frat Party waiting to happen? You decide.

Next, they may not be Concussion Missles or Crash Bombs, but we do have some BOOM!

Pictured: Best way to attack you enemy stealthily and still dismember them... unless, yknow, you've got Bombchus.

Tune in tomorrow for the Rock VS Samus Final Twist during the Pic of the Day, and Saturday for the Final Results!

Midweek Mashup: Samus Aran Versus Rockman

Ok, welcome to the Midweek Mashup stadium! Here, I will pit two titans against one another, and YOU, my readers, will decide the victor through vote and explanation!

Basically, I will post the arena, the conditions, and the scenario. You will then post a comment about who beats who, and WHY. Just voting is good, but explaination can overcome vote count in my arena! Be inventive, and you may still see the character with fewer votes come out on top! It’s up to YOU!

This week, on the Midweek Mashup, we see two video game legends…

Pictured: Red versus Blue, for all you Halo players... no, neither one of them are Master Chief.

Setting: At the collapsed ruins of Dr. Wily’s Skull Castle, Rockman receives a message from Dr. Light…

“Rock! I’ve analyzed the data from Wily’s ship. It appears he was planning a trip to a remote planet to mine a new energy form called Phazon. I’ve scanned the system and it turns out there are several ships already there! I’m teleporting you to the coordinates now. Good luck!”

A few trillion miles later, instantaneously thanks to the Super Deus Ex Machina brand Teleportation Unit, Rock stands on the surface of an unfamiliar planet, when he spots a robotic unit armed with a similar arm cannon…

Meanwhile, Samus Aran has finished her job on Phaaze and has just landed on SR388. She checks her visor for life forms and had just begun heading for a doorway to the interior of the planet when she noted an incoming robot traveling at impossible speeds. She turns and readies her weapon, training her sights on the predicted point of impact, and braced herself for a shock wave that never came.

Samus was taken aback when suddenly, before her stood a small blue robot, not to be fooled by his humanoid face because of her scanning visor.

She kept her Beam Cannon locked on the target, who turned, noticing her, and raised his weapon, which began to hum ominously. Samus also began charging her weapon.

Oh, if only they had been able to understand one another. Rockman would have heard Samus yell ‘Are you a Space Pirate!?’ Samus, on the other hand, would have heard, ‘Are you with Wily?!’ Instead, they both heard otherworldly gibberish, thanks to the Deus Ex Machina brand Conversation Scrambling Device, and as such, their battle begins…

WEAPONS:

Rockman has everything from Megaman 3 and prior, thanks to the Deus Ex Machina brand Weapons Recovery Drive.

The WRD has also re-armed Samus, giving her everything from Metroid Prime 3: Corruption and before.

Well? Who wins, and why? TELL ME!

Pic of the Day: Stormtrooper 2-Pack!

I couldn’t help myself. I like to keep a daily theme, but I saw these awesome pics. You need them in your life. (kudos to Jeremy for the phrase, I say it a lot now actually…)

So, in the hopes of keeping a theme, it has been a long time since I watched the original Star Wars trilogy… I thought time would never pass fast enough when I got them on VHS as a kid… and now here I am, nearly graduating college.

Enjoy the slowness of your time, Barry Allen. For the rest of us, it blinks away almost as fast as you do.

Likewise, these troopers meet their end all too quickly. Most of them never even see the Jedi coming! So, with that thought…

Pictured: The best marketing idea Lucas never tried... alternately, the most hunger-inducing lego picture I've ever seen.

You want some Stormtrooper Cereal, don’t you? If you said yes, let’s petition Lucas. If you said no, you’re a filthy, filthy liar.

Pictured: A very common grave for a storm trooper.

Not so hungry NOW, are you?! If yes, yeah, thought so. If no, I thought I told you to stop lying when reading my blog.

Now, in your mind, combine the two pictures. Pink milk! That’s not strawberry, kiddies.

Until tomorrow’s stomach turning nerd-fest. -GG

Tunes of Tuesday: The Ballad of Barry Allen

A guy I know was playing this in his car about a year ago, and it still gets stuck in my head.

Going too fast for you? Sorry. This here is my new segment for Tuesday: Tunes of Tuesday. Basically, I wanna hit the beginning of your week with what to watch with Movie Monday.

Next day, give you some tunes to rock during the week.

Then, Wednesday, we’ll have Midweek Mashup. Tune in, it’ll give you something to ponder.

Thursday, we’ll have the Thursday Top 5 so you can start your brain back up for the upcoming weekend.

Lastly, we have the Glitch of the Week on Friday, so that you can rush out and break some video games as the weekend arrives.

All with random articles when I feel like it as well as the pic of the day.

So, today’s Tuesday, so BAM, I present ‘The Ballad of Barry Allen’ by Jim’s Big Ego.

Kudos to TylerBickle for the video, Jim’s Big Ego for the song, and Niko for the first listen.

Hope that track rocks the work week and keeps time moving for ya.

Until tomorrow, I’m gunna stare at the clock until the next second passes… hmm… guess I’ll be here a while…  -GG